Archive for April, 2010

What do I do? I’m a Professional TV Watcher!

April 30, 2010

ATTENTION: potheads, high school dropouts, and overall lazy people!

Have you always dreamed of being a Professional TV Watcher?

Well, now you can!

For $8 bucks an hour, you can do what you do best: watch TV.

…and actually GET PAID for it!

Job requirements include:

– being able to pay close attention to – like – stuff with little supervision.

and…

– love watching TV!

And if you actually get fired from this job, sorry…you really are hopeless.

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Andrew Wisot is a freelance writer for The Tonight Show with Jay Leno and an US Weekly Fashion Cop who’s “between jobs.” Andrew will blog for LOLs until he’s employed again or 50,000 miles, whichever one comes first.

Email: andrew@willblogforlols.com

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Jobless Claims Dip To Lowest Level in 4 Weeks…Time To Panic

April 29, 2010

The Labor Department reported today that fewer people in the US are filing claims for unemployment for the second week in a row, suggesting that the economy’s improving.

Really…

And where exactly are these “alleged” jobs that are improving the economy…

Not in my area!!!

And should I be a oui bit concerned that I’m still sitting here at home in my bathrobe.

I kinda feel like a 29-year-old woman who’s turning 30 and just heard that her last remaining single friend got engaged.

Depressing.

Excuse me for a moment while I eat a whole container of Ben and Jerry’s.

**** 

Willblogforlols is written for entertainment purposes only.

Andrew Wisot is a freelance writer for The Tonight Show with Jay Leno and an US Weekly Fashion Cop who’s “between jobs.” Andrew will blog for LOLs until he’s employed again or 50,000 miles, whichever one comes first.

Email: andrew@willblogforlols.com

Today, we should fire…

April 28, 2010

The person who decided to send me $2 in the mail to take a survey.

I got a letter in the mail to inform me that I’d be getting a call from some company to take a survey. And a two dollar bill was included as a way of saying “thanks in advance” for my participation.

First of all, they should have sent me $200.

Second, they should have checked a little-known list called Do Not Call.

Just because you bribe me with send me a dollar or two doesn’t mean I’m going to take your cruddy little survey.

And there’s a reason why it’s called the Do Not Call List and not the Do Not Call Except For People Taking Surveys List.

So hey…thanks for the two bucks!

Next time, try bribing me with an actual job that pays well.

I still won’t take your call…but hey, I’ll be quite appreciative!

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Willblogforlols is written for entertainment purposes only.

Andrew Wisot is a freelance writer for The Tonight Show with Jay Leno and an US Weekly Fashion Cop who’s “between jobs.” Andrew will blog for LOLs until he’s employed again or 50,000 miles, whichever one comes first.

Email: andrew@willblogforlols.com

So You Think You Can Write For Late Night 2

April 27, 2010

So hopefully by now, you’ve managed to score a freelance gig writing for late night.

I have some more guidelines for you that’ll be very helpful.

First off…don’t spend too much of your time writing jokes.

Seriously.

Spend only an hour at a time writing jokes.

Otherwise, you’ll go crazy writing joke after joke.

And the chances of getting a joke on late night TV as a freelance writer is less than 1%.

That’s right, less than 1%.

You’re competing against other freelancers.

And the show’s TV staff.

And it’s tough.

I remember when I’d write jokes like crazy for Leno.

I would sometimes spend the entire weekend writing jokes.

I would write – like – 15 pages of jokes.

15 pages!!!

And still get NOTHING on Monday night.

Just stick to the hour rule, and you’ll be okay.

Come to think of it, maybe you shouldn’t freelance jokes at all.

Too much competition and very little chance of getting your jokes on.

Tell you what…just let me handle the jokes.

Hey, you’re welcome.

*****

Willblogforlols is written for entertainment purposes only.

Andrew Wisot is a freelance writer for The Tonight Show with Jay Leno and an US Weekly Fashion Cop who’s “between jobs.” Andrew will blog for LOLs until he’s employed again or 50,000 miles, whichever one comes first.

Email: andrew@willblogforlols.com

NEW Jobs Needed Yesterday

April 26, 2010

Advisor to Jennifer Lopez to change her mind about making any more romantic comedies.

Inventor to come out with a Dasani water that’s just bottled water. No salt. No magnesium sulfate. No chemicals to make Dasani basically Coca-Cola water.

Inventor to come out with an anti-hunch indicator that disables motorist’s instincts that I’m trying to get into their lane, and therefore speed up.

And on that note…

Inventor to come out with dual car pushers that push two cars going slow behind you in both lanes to actually go the speed limit.

CHP for non-existent CHP on the freeways everytime I’m going the speed limit and at least three other cars are going 95.

Computer programmer to stop my iPod from leaning toward the same 20 songs in shuffle mode, despite having over 3,000 songs to choose from.

Clean up crew for the mounds of shredded paper all over the carpets and floors as a result of shredding paper that escaped the shredder waste basket.

Movie enforcement officers to arrest movie theater companies that charge $19.00 a movie ticket.

Second advisor to Jennifer Lopez to change her mind about making any more romantic comedies.

*****

Willblogforlols is written for entertainment purposes only…most of the time.

Andrew Wisot is a freelance writer for The Tonight Show with Jay Leno and an US Weekly Fashion Cop who’s “between jobs.” Andrew will blog for LOLs until he’s employed again or 50,000 miles, whichever one comes first.

Email: andrew@willblogforlols.com

Found another one!

April 23, 2010

Found another job on Craigslist worth mentioning.

This one’s for a copywriter at a start-up.

For compensation, they’re offering Founders Stock Vesting Plan.

Founders Stock Vesting Plan.

You know what that means?

No money…but money if we make it.

That’s like saying, “Can I borrow $5,000? Not sure if I can pay you back…but I might!”

That’s like saying, “Let’s fly the plane. The engines keeps stalling…but we might make it!”

That’s like saying, “Let’s make Lindsay Lohan spokesperson for DARE. She might just say no!”

*****

Andrew Wisot is a freelance writer for The Tonight Show with Jay Leno and an US Weekly Fashion Cop who’s “between jobs.” Andrew will blog for LOLs until he’s employed again or 50,000 miles, whichever one comes first.

Email: andrew@willblogforlols.com

Too Much For Too Little?

April 22, 2010

I came across this ad yesterday on Craigslist.

It’s a Copywriter job and I found the ad interesting on a number of levels.

First off…the ad was posted in Los Angeles. Yet, the job’s actually in CHICAGO.

When you read the fine print tho, they say you can work remotely from any area…if you’re God the right candidate.

To apply, they want some past writing samples.

Yeah, sure.

But – here’s where things get interesting…

They also want a sample of one of their products.

Yeah, sure.

However, there are guidelines to doing a write up. And they’re very particular with what they want. Very, very, very, very particular.

And I’m not just talking about a few guidelines here. There are MULTIPLE PAGES of guidelines and style guides that they want you to NAIL on your submission.

The good news is they also want humor writing for their ads. The bad news is…it’s the kind of humor that only nerds in chess clubs would understand.

Definitely not LOL.

On top of all this, the pay is low….the salary’s in the low 30K range.

Too much for too little?

Think I’ll pretend I didn’t see the ad and go take a nap.

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Andrew Wisot is a freelance writer for The Tonight Show with Jay Leno and an US Weekly Fashion Cop who’s “between jobs.” Andrew will blog for LOLs until he’s employed again or 50,000 miles, whichever one comes first.

Email: andrew@willblogforlols.com

Me Famous in US WEEKLY!

April 22, 2010

Check out my four jokes in the new US WEEKLY Fashion Police (May 3, 2010), on newsstands now and in bathrooms tomorrow.

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Andrew Wisot is a freelance writer for The Tonight Show with Jay Leno and an US Weekly Fashion Cop who’s “between jobs.” Andrew will blog for LOLs until he’s employed again or 50,000 miles, whichever one comes first.

Email: andrew@willblogforlols.com

Yikes, did I actually write that???

April 21, 2010

Was going through some old files today and came across this cover letter that I wrote years ago:

Dear Sir or Madam,

I’m currently seeking a full-time position in Music/Entertainment. For eight years, I have been a writer/producer for XYZ Company. In fact, I wrote several (special programs) for XYZ. In addition, I have also been freelance copywriting for ABC Company for nearly two years.

I hope to find a position that would allow my creativity to come alive. I am highly motivated, upbeat, and always willing to go the extra mile.

Enclosed is my resume. Thank you for your consideration.

Sincerely…

YIKES!!!

Dear Sir or Madam?

Find a position that would allow my creativity to come alive?

Highly motivated, upbeat, and willing to go the extra mile?

Was I applying for an anonymous company that specialized in cheesy statements and over-used clichés?

It’s right up there with, “Did I really wear that for my senior high school portrait?”

And yes, by the way, I did wear a dress.

*****

Willblogforlols is written for entertainment purposes only.

Andrew Wisot is a freelance writer for The Tonight Show with Jay Leno and an US Weekly Fashion Cop who’s “between jobs.” Andrew will blog for LOLs until he’s employed again or 50,000 miles, whichever one comes first.

Email: andrew@willblogforlols.com

Today I’m wondering…

April 20, 2010

If any job hunters still have the nerve to open their cover letter with, “I am writing in regards to the open position at your company.”

If any job hunters still have the nerve to write in the body of their cover letter that they’re “self-starters” and have a “strong work ethic.”

If any job hunters still use a “typewriter” to compose their “CV” and mail it through the US Postal Service after seeking a job in the “want ads.” (SCA-RY!)

If Larry King needs a full-time diaper changer. (SCAR-IER!)

If there are any companies that contact all applicants about the job, even “due to the high volume of resumes received.”

If other people out of work get just as excited as I do when my unemployment check arrives in the mail.

If there are any other blogs like mine that take a look at the lighter side of unemployment.

(Ya, I know…”Google it.”)

If anyone reads my blog and says to themself, “Don’t quit your day job………”

That’s all I’m wondering today.

*****

Andrew Wisot is a freelance writer for The Tonight Show with Jay Leno and an US Weekly Fashion Cop who’s “between jobs.” Andrew will blog for LOLs until he’s employed again or 50,000 miles, whichever one comes first.

Email: andrew@willblogforlols.com