Posts Tagged ‘resume’

New Job Search Terms for 2010

July 8, 2010

 

How do you spell, "Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah?"

Background check – Google.

Curriculum Vitae (CV) – anyone who still uses this term is often disqualified for a job and sent immediately to Boca Raton, Florida. It’s called a “resume,” dammit!

Contract employee – too cheap to hire on full-time.

Competitive salary – since there are so many people out of work, you’re all competing for a salary.

Flexible benefits – a way for companies to stretch benefits as much as they can to compensate for lack of compensation. 

Hiring manager – God.

Minimum qualifications – you won’t get hired if you only have these.

Desired qualifications – …but these, ahhh!

Salary History – Because of the bad economy, your salary is usually history.

Salary Requirements – a way for companies to make candidates feel important and special…until they lower the boom with the actual salary.

A raise – What this judge deserves.

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Willblogforlols is written for entertainment purposes only. Photo found in the dictionary under the defintion for Unemployed Of The Month.

Andrew Wisot is a freelance writer for The Tonight Show with Jay Leno and an US Weekly Fashion Cop who’s “between jobs.” Andrew will blog for LOLs until he’s employed again or 50,000 miles, whichever one comes first.

Email: andrew@willblogforlols.com

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Damn. Why Didn’t I Think Of That.

May 31, 2010

Yes, I am the sh!t.

Have you met the world’s most hated copywriter?

Why the world’s most hated copywriter?

Cause the guy’s a friggin genius.

28-year-old Alec Brownstein was seeking work at a big advertising agency.

Brownstein noticed there were sponsored links attached to the names of the creative directors he was trying to reach on Google.

He knew that everyone Googles themselves.

He bought the links attached to the creative directors (he was the only one). Therefore, when the creative directors Googled themselves, they’d see his ad targeted at them to hire him.

Every creative director got a hold of him but one (also the fifth dentist that doesn’t recommend sugarless gum to patients who chew gum).

He ended up getting two job offers from buying sponsored links…all for a mere $6.

Bastard!!!

You know what’s going to happen now, right?

That’s right…

5,000 copywriters are now gonna copycat him.

But hey, not me.

I have a trick up my sleeve that’ll set me apart from everyone else.

Now that everyone’s racing to buy sponsored links…

I’m sending in a cover letter and resume.

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Willblogforlols is written for entertainment purposes only.

Andrew Wisot is a freelance writer for The Tonight Show with Jay Leno and an US Weekly Fashion Cop who’s “between jobs.” Andrew will blog for LOLs until he’s employed again or 50,000 miles, whichever one comes first.

Email: andrew@willblogforlols.com

Today I’m wondering…

April 20, 2010

If any job hunters still have the nerve to open their cover letter with, “I am writing in regards to the open position at your company.”

If any job hunters still have the nerve to write in the body of their cover letter that they’re “self-starters” and have a “strong work ethic.”

If any job hunters still use a “typewriter” to compose their “CV” and mail it through the US Postal Service after seeking a job in the “want ads.” (SCA-RY!)

If Larry King needs a full-time diaper changer. (SCAR-IER!)

If there are any companies that contact all applicants about the job, even “due to the high volume of resumes received.”

If other people out of work get just as excited as I do when my unemployment check arrives in the mail.

If there are any other blogs like mine that take a look at the lighter side of unemployment.

(Ya, I know…”Google it.”)

If anyone reads my blog and says to themself, “Don’t quit your day job………”

That’s all I’m wondering today.

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Andrew Wisot is a freelance writer for The Tonight Show with Jay Leno and an US Weekly Fashion Cop who’s “between jobs.” Andrew will blog for LOLs until he’s employed again or 50,000 miles, whichever one comes first.

Email: andrew@willblogforlols.com