Archive for February, 2010

“All it takes is one”

February 26, 2010

sigh…when will this nightmare end.

No, I’m not talking about Toyota’s Recall-a-thon.

I’m talking about this job hunt.

It’s been about two months but it feels like years.

Now, don’t get me wrong…I LOVE all the free time.

But I know it has to end with finding a job.

And then there’s the blog…

I LOVE writing it.

But is it worth my time.

My hope duh is that a potential employer/future boss/hiring manager/late night talk show host will see it, be totally blown away, and send me a job offer right way with an extremely competitive salary, great benefits, and 5-week vacation package.

* Back to reality *

Sometimes, it doesn’t seem worth it to keep the blog going.

…even for my four readers.

Kidding.

Three readers.

My Mom has a saying about the job hunt:

“All it takes is one.”

Just one person to realize my talents and see that they’d be LUCKY to have me as an employee.

It’s the same philosophy she used when I was doing online dating.

“All it takes is one.”

All those resumes emails I sent to girls, all those interviews bad dates I went on.

And just when I least expected it…I found my sweetie.

She was right.

“All it takes is one.”

So I’ll keep at it.

…with the hope that I’ll find “the one” who thinks I’m the right candidate for the job the sh*t.

To paraphrase Charlotte from Sex and the City:

I’ve been looking for a job since January. I’m exhausted. WHERE IS IT?

*****

Andrew Wisot is a freelance writer for The Jay Leno Show The Tonight Show with Jay Leno and an US Weekly Fashion Cop who’s “between jobs.” Andrew will blog for LOLs until he’s employed again or 50,000 miles, whichever one comes first.

Email: andrew@willblogforlols.com

Famous Work Quotes 3

February 25, 2010

Work is nothing but the slow trek to rediscover, through the detours of art, those two or three great images in whose presence [His Or Her] heart first opened. Yes, I’ve been smoking way too much weed. – Albert Camus

Work joyfully and peacefully, knowing that right thoughts and right efforts will inevitably bring about right results. Just ask Toyota. – James Allen

A tremendous number of people in America work very hard at something that bores them. But enough about data entry clerks. – W.H. Auden

Work is not a curse, but working with killer whales at Sea World is. – Henry Ward Beecher

Never work before breakfast. You may end up getting a cramp in your brain. – Josh Billings

A person who has not done one half his day’s work by ten o clock, runs a chance of leaving the other half undone…better known as doing a half-ass job. – Emily Bronte

To work — to work! It is such infinite delight to know that we still have the best things to do…somebody slap me now! – Katherine Mansfield

A dog that barks much is never a good hunter…unless it’s to warn the Feds that Michael Vick is near. – Proverb

The person with the best job in the country is the vice president. All he has to do is get up every morning and say, ”Hey, everyone! How’s it going? I’ve got nothing on the schedule today so if anyone wants to sit and chat, let me know. I’d love to discuss any subject with you. Any subject at all. Ask away!” – Will Rogers

Yawn. – Northwest pilot

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This post is purely a parody and for entertainment purposes only. You can find the actual work quotes and many more here.

Andrew Wisot is a freelance writer for The Jay Leno Show The Tonight Show with Jay Leno and an US Weekly Fashion Cop who’s “between jobs.” Andrew will blog for LOLs until he’s employed again or 50,000 miles, whichever one comes first.

Willblogforlols EXTRA: Me get in US Weekly 3 times!

February 24, 2010

Ok, stop whatever you’re doing and rush down to your local supermaket.

I’m a member of the US Weekly Fashion Police and have three jokes in the new March 8, 2010 issue.

Yay!

*****

Andrew Wisot is a freelance writer for The Jay Leno Show The Tonight Show with Jay Leno and an US Weekly Fashion Cop who’s “between jobs.” Andrew will blog for LOLs until he’s employed again or 50,000 miles, whichever one comes first.

Email: andrew@willblogforlols.com

Getting Fired From My First Job

February 22, 2010

When I was 16, I was told by my parents that I outgrew my allowance and needed to earn my own money.

I wanted to work at Wherehouse Records – and not just cause they had………….X-RATED VIDEOS.

Sadly, you had to be over 18 to work at Wherehouse, and yes, for that reason.

My parents had a favorite pizza/deli they’d been going to for years. They were chummy with the owner, and asked if he needed any part-time help. He said yes, but at his other “counter” location at a nearby supermarket.

So I went to speak to the guy who ran the deli counter there. After a brief talk, I got hired to work weekends.

MAN it was hard! I basically had to take people’s orders for salads, cheeses, and meats. I also prepared sandwiches. But geez…I just had the darndest time remembering what all the cheeses were, and what precisely was a half pint.

“You said you want a half pint of American cheese…what’s American cheese?”

I was slow, I couldn’t remember people’s orders, and sheesh…that first five-hour shift felt like 90 minutes of Gigli.

For the next weekend, I came better prepared.

I brought a pad of paper and a pen so I could write the orders down and be more efficient!

Ended up taking me even longer than expected.

And then, it happened…

While slicing turkey on the meat cutter…

ZIPPPPPPPPPPPPPP

I sliced off part of my thumb.

Finger sandwich, anyone?

A bit after that, the guy who ran the counter called me over.

He walked me out to the customer side of the counter and said those Seven Chilling Words:

I’m gonna have to let you go.

At first, I wasn’t sure what he meant.

Go where?

Oh…he’s firing me.

I was devastated.

So devastated, I couldn’t even respond.

My lips were quivering and I was seriously about to cry.

I felt humiliated.

Dammit, why can’t a 16 year old put away X-RATED VIDEOS at Wherehouse?

Of course, I got over it — and finally managed to nab that job at Wherehouse two years later.

And I have to be honest…

I’ll take When Larry Ate Sally over a severed thumb any day.

*****

Andrew Wisot is a freelance writer for The Jay Leno Show The Tonight Show with Jay Leno and an US Weekly Fashion Cop who’s “between jobs.” Andrew will blog for LOLs until he’s employed again or 50,000 miles, whichever one comes first.

Email: andrew@willblogforlols.com

The Importence of Profreading

February 18, 2010

DOH! SON OF A…

I did something really dumb today.

I wrote a KILLER cover letter. Seriously, I killed it!

I proofread it, even read it aloud.

I pressed SEND.

Was so impressed with the cover letter, I looked at it again.

…and noticed a typo in the very first sentence:

I have the answer your problem.

DOH! SON OF A…

Bye bye, job opportunity.

It just goes to show you…

Before you send out a cover letter, resume etc.,

PROOFREAD IT — CAREFULLY.

Cause catching a typo after pressing SEND…

…is like seeing flashing red and blue lights in your rear view.

…with a bong in your hand.

It’s over.

And frustrating.

Why are us  job seekers so pressured to have impeccable cover letters?

…when people with jobs make mistakes ALL THE TIME.

You know how many Associated Press articles I’ve read that have typos?

Or any news/entertainment website for that matter?

I know I know: “But first impressions are important.”

– grunt –

I don’t why, but some reason I have habit skipping words when I write:

I have the answer your problem.

You see point?

Oh well.

Whoever reads my cover letter will probably just think I work at an Asian Nail Salon.

*****

Willblogforlols is written for entertainment purposes only. I love Asian Nail Salons, so relax it was just a joke. I love Asians, Blacks, Latinos and most Whites. C’mon…WE ARE THE WORLD!

Andrew Wisot is a freelance writer for The Jay Leno Show The Tonight Show with Jay Leno and an US Weekly Fashion Cop who’s “between jobs.” Andrew will blog for LOLs until he’s employed again or 50,000 miles, whichever one comes first.

CELEBRITY UNSPOTTINGS: If they held signs by the on-ramps

February 16, 2010

You’ve seen the  signs coming on and off the freeways, right?

“Will Work For Food. God Bless.”

Well, here are some the ones you’d see from today’s stars…IF they were holding signs by the on and off-ramps.

JOHN MAYER: Will stop being a total douchebag for food.          …PSYCHE!!!

HEIDI MONTAG: Will stop getting plastic surgery for food. “Uh, paper or plastic? My favorite, please…PLASTIC!”

PARIS HILTON: Will “eat meat” for food. Like – oh my god!

NICOLE RICHIE: Will eat something for food. God bless.

JESSICA SIMPSON: whill Lurn howe too sphell four food.

PRESIDENT OBAMA: Will be more specific for food. God Bless America!

JOE BIDEN: Will shorten my sentences for food. See apparently people think I elaborate too much on issues that don’t really know much about. I say they’re wrong because everyone knows something about something, and if they don’t, well, then they can learn something from nothing! See where I’m getting at? No?! Okay well…God Bless Ya Anyway.

BETTY WHITE: Will Run For US President For A Snickers Bar. God Bless St. Olaf!

MEL GIBSON: Will Pretend To Like Jews & Give Back A Quarter of Malibu For Food. God Bless Non-Jews. 

ANDREW WISOT: Will Stop Writing These Stupid Posts For A Job. HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*****

This post is purely a parody and for entertainment purposes only. Yes, of course Mel Gibson doesn’t hate hate Jews.

Andrew Wisot is a freelance writer for The Jay Leno Show The Tonight Show with Jay Leno and an US Weekly Fashion Cop who’s “between jobs.” Andrew will blog for LOLs until he’s employed again or 50,000 miles, whichever one comes first.

Email: andrew@willblogforlols.com

If magazines had inserts for job applications…

February 15, 2010

_ YES! Please sign me up for a FREE job application featuring all the latest questions about my basic info, past job experience, and list of references. I understand that by subscribing now for a FREE job application, a FREE bonus section of EEO questions will be sent to me in the next 4-6 weeks, ABSOLUTELY FREE!!! I also understand I’m under no obligation to fill out my FREE job application, unless I wish to receive my FREE Sports Clock within the next 6-12 weeks, FREE! I also understand if I’m not satisfied with my FREE Sports Clock, I can go screw myself.

_ Uh, nope.

*****

Andrew Wisot is a freelance writer for The Jay Leno Show The Tonight Show with Jay Leno and an US Weekly Fashion Cop who’s “between jobs.” Andrew will blog for LOLs until he’s employed again or 50,000 miles, whichever one comes first.

Email: andrew@willblogforlols.com

Forget Betty White on ‘SNL’…Betty White for President in 2012!!!

February 14, 2010

Yes, I may be out of work. But I’m more than happy to volunteer my services to get Betty White into the White House in 2012!!!

Forget the Alaskan Girl…vote for The Golden Girl.

Yes, she can!

Join the movement here:

http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=348579969127&ref=mf

Survey Saturday!

February 13, 2010

I had a “really good interview” in which I was told I would be called back for a second interview.  It’s now been over a week…

a.) They’re busy. They’ll get back to you.

b.) Maybe they lost both your number and email address.

c.) Hmmm, sounds kinda iffy. I dunno.

d.) Look, they’re just not that into you.

SEND IN YOUR COMMENTS BELOW AND BE FAMOUS FOR A DAY!!!

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Andrew Wisot is a freelance writer for The Jay Leno Show The Tonight Show with Jay Leno and an US Weekly Fashion Cop who’s “between jobs.” Andrew will blog for LOLs until he’s employed again or 50,000 miles, whichever one comes first.

Email: andrew@willblogforlols.com

Willblogforlols EXTRA: Me write good for US Weekly

February 12, 2010

I’m a member of the US Weekly Fashion Police and lead the pack this week with FIVE jokes! Check me out in the very back of the Feb 22, 2010 issue, on newsstands now!

*****

Andrew Wisot is a freelance writer for The Jay Leno Show The Tonight Show with Jay Leno and an US Weekly Fashion Cop who’s “between jobs.” Andrew will blog for LOLs until he’s employed again or 50,000 miles, whichever one comes first.

Email: andrew@willblogforlols.com