Posts Tagged ‘companies’

Today I’m wondering…

April 20, 2010

If any job hunters still have the nerve to open their cover letter with, “I am writing in regards to the open position at your company.”

If any job hunters still have the nerve to write in the body of their cover letter that they’re “self-starters” and have a “strong work ethic.”

If any job hunters still use a “typewriter” to compose their “CV” and mail it through the US Postal Service after seeking a job in the “want ads.” (SCA-RY!)

If Larry King needs a full-time diaper changer. (SCAR-IER!)

If there are any companies that contact all applicants about the job, even “due to the high volume of resumes received.”

If other people out of work get just as excited as I do when my unemployment check arrives in the mail.

If there are any other blogs like mine that take a look at the lighter side of unemployment.

(Ya, I know…”Google it.”)

If anyone reads my blog and says to themself, “Don’t quit your day job………”

That’s all I’m wondering today.

*****

Andrew Wisot is a freelance writer for The Tonight Show with Jay Leno and an US Weekly Fashion Cop who’s “between jobs.” Andrew will blog for LOLs until he’s employed again or 50,000 miles, whichever one comes first.

Email: andrew@willblogforlols.com

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We’re screwed…

March 8, 2010

Did you see this

A report just came out how department stores, amusement parks and other retailers no longer need to hold job fairs for holiday or summer work because they’re already flooded with applicants (and sadly, most of whom are overqualified).

Shows you how times have changed.

Companies no longer need job fairs to get applicants cause there are way too many people looking for work?

I’m screwed.

But it reminded me of something I’ve been wanting to bring up…

Have you ever been to a job fair?

The one I decided to check out was TERRIBLE.

I thought the moment I walked in, I’d be lured by various companies desperately trying to get me to apply.

Nope.

The moment I walked in, I got nothing but dirty looks from most of the reps who obviously didn’t give a sh*t that I was desperately trying to find a job.

It was unbelievable, actually.

Most every person I talked too was just there to answer questions about the company — and some of them didn’t even seem to KNOW a lot about the company they were working for!

It was like a bad night of speed dating, but at least with speed dating, you usually got one or two “yesses.”

Never again.

And not just cause now I know job fairs are filled with imbeciles who don’t know what they’re doing.

Cause with all the people out of work now, they don’t need to put on sh*tty job fairs.

Good riddance.

In a related story, yes…Conan got the job selling popcorn at California Disney Adventure.

*****

Andrew Wisot is a freelance writer for The Tonight Show with Jay Leno and an US Weekly Fashion Cop who’s “between jobs.” Andrew will blog for LOLs until he’s employed again or 50,000 miles, whichever one comes first.

Email: andrew@willblogforlols.com

Today, I was wondering…

January 18, 2010

Do they drug test at Snoop Dogg’s label…

Is religion somehow mentioned during a job interview at the Church of Scientology…

Are their miss spellings on the application too two become Jessica Simpson’s personnal assistant…

Do they also have dirty bathrooms at Exxon’s corporate offices…

Is there a lot of baloney going on at the Oscar Mayer factory…

What’s the water cooler talk like at the offices of Arrowhead…

(is it “refreshing?”…)

Has anyone ever done coke at the offices of Coke… 

Do they literally have revolving doors at NBC executive offices…

Did an exec at Subway say, “Let’s make all our stores smell like sweaty locker rooms.”

What’s Casual Friday like for workers who make the Snuggie…

What’s Casual Friday like at a strip club…

What’s Casual Friday like at a loud Hawaiian shirt and blue jeans company…

Who the hell okayed the Snuggie…

Andrew Wisot is a freelance writer for The Jay Leno Show and an US Weekly Fashion Cop who’s “between jobs.” Andrew will blog for LOLs until he’s employed again or 50,000 miles, whichever one comes first.

Email: andrew@willblogforlols.com

Keywords Are Key, Word.

January 12, 2010

There’s one big difference between searching for jobs 10 years ago and looking for jobs now: using keywords in your resume.

Resume keywords, the use of action verbs, are important in this day and age since there are so many more applicants competing for the job you want.

In fact, many companies are now using programs that search for specific keywords in resumes and then toss out the other submissions.

Here’s an example…

If you’re applying for an analyst job, you might put down…

* Analyzed, reviewed, and reorganized business sector.

Okay, let’s try another one…

If you’re applying for a server job at TGI Fridays, you might put down…

* Delayed arrival of patron’s food by 45 minutes, then issued passive-aggressive apology.

See how easy it is!

Let’s try another…

If you’re applying to become a doctor, you could say…

* Initiated random small talk to patient, then analyzed medical condition in a language that the average person can’t understand.

Getting the hang of this?

Let’s try another…

If you want to become part of the mob, you may put down on your resume:

* Eliminated “problem”, corrected situation by telling cops I didn’t see nothin.

Another example? Thought you’d never ask.

If you’re applying for a job at Sears, you could write…

* Disappeared just in time to make inquiring customer walk away in a huff.

And finally…

If you’re an aspiring comedy writer without a job but a blog, you could say:

* Created blog and increased number of visitors a day from 3 to 6.

Andrew Wisot is a freelance writer for The Jay Leno Show and an US Weekly Fashion Cop who’s “between jobs.” Andrew will blog for LOLs until he’s employed again or 50,000 miles, whichever one comes first.

Email: andrew@willblogforlols.com