Posts Tagged ‘jennifer lopez’

Ellen DeGeneres Creates A Job Opening At “American Idol”

July 30, 2010

Now available as a judge at weddings and bar mitzvahs.

Job seekers: get your resume together.

Ellen DeGeneres announced she is leaving “American Idol” after one season.

That means there are actually now two spots open for judges: her seat and Simon Cowell’s.

Here’s what I think “American Idol” should do.

Give one of the seats, as reported, to someone who truly knows quality music: Jessica Simpson………………….

As for the other seat, AI should turn the whole thing into a contest for the public…a sweepstakes called “Become The Next Judge on ‘American Idol.'”

That’s right, they pick one of us to become an ‘American Idol’ judge!

Can you imagine?

In fact, the whole scheme could be spun into a brand new reality show. And then that show can be spun into a whole new reality show, etc. 

This way, “American Idol” can just keep going forever, even though the show’s been dead for two years.

Or…they could just hire another lesbian who doesn’t know a thing about music.

Lindsay?!…

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Willblogforlols is written for entertainment purposes only. Holding tryouts tomorrow to replace me on “Unemployed Idol.”

Andrew Wisot is a freelance writer for The Tonight Show with Jay Leno and an US Weekly Fashion Cop who’s “between jobs.” Andrew will blog for LOLs until he’s employed again or 50,000 miles, whichever comes first.   

Email: andrew@willblogforlols.com

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NEW Jobs Needed Yesterday

April 26, 2010

Advisor to Jennifer Lopez to change her mind about making any more romantic comedies.

Inventor to come out with a Dasani water that’s just bottled water. No salt. No magnesium sulfate. No chemicals to make Dasani basically Coca-Cola water.

Inventor to come out with an anti-hunch indicator that disables motorist’s instincts that I’m trying to get into their lane, and therefore speed up.

And on that note…

Inventor to come out with dual car pushers that push two cars going slow behind you in both lanes to actually go the speed limit.

CHP for non-existent CHP on the freeways everytime I’m going the speed limit and at least three other cars are going 95.

Computer programmer to stop my iPod from leaning toward the same 20 songs in shuffle mode, despite having over 3,000 songs to choose from.

Clean up crew for the mounds of shredded paper all over the carpets and floors as a result of shredding paper that escaped the shredder waste basket.

Movie enforcement officers to arrest movie theater companies that charge $19.00 a movie ticket.

Second advisor to Jennifer Lopez to change her mind about making any more romantic comedies.

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Willblogforlols is written for entertainment purposes only…most of the time.

Andrew Wisot is a freelance writer for The Tonight Show with Jay Leno and an US Weekly Fashion Cop who’s “between jobs.” Andrew will blog for LOLs until he’s employed again or 50,000 miles, whichever one comes first.

Email: andrew@willblogforlols.com

…And You Thought You Hated Your Last Job!

January 4, 2010

It’s Monday, Jan 4. 

The holidays are over, and those of us out of work should be buckling down to find a job.

Of course, it blows to be sitting at home on the first Monday of 2010 and still unemployed.

Still, things could be worse. Before you begin the inevitable search for a full time job, take a look at some of the worst jobs currently out there…and count your blessings that you’re not holding down any of these positions!

Worst Jobs At The Moment

– Post Flight TSA Underwear Inspector

Naked catsuit designer for Rush Limbaugh

– Specimen collector for Rush Limbaugh

– Publicist for St. Louis Rams

– Screenwriter for “Swing Vote 2”

– Personal Assistant/Maid/Manager/Publicist/Bartender/Slave for Lindsey Lohan

– Ratings analyst for NBC

– Anger management counselor for Charlie Sheen

– Joe Biden’s barber

– Joe Biden’s boss

Email: andrew@willblogforlols.com