Posts Tagged ‘lindsay lohan’

What the stars are being for Halloween

October 25, 2010

Best part about being in the Senate is...you never have to dress up!

President Obama’s going to be a popular president.

Brett Favre’s either going to be a flasher or  streaker, he can’t decide…

Lindsay Lohan’s going to be something she hasn’t been since age 14…clean and sober.

Nancy Pelosi’s been wearing her Halloween mask since 1940.

Paris Hilton’s costume is of course…her birthday suit.

…Today, Charlie Sheen went balistic after hearing that Paris Hilton stole his costume idea.

Justin Bieber’s going as a bouncer at Laser Tag.

George Lopez is going as his lord and savior…Sandra Bullock.

Sofia Vergara’s going to get a zit on her face and go as “the ugly girl.”

Russell Brand’s going get a black eye and go as a photographer who tried to take a picture of him.

The Situation’s going to wear a shirt and go as a guy with class.

Snooki’s going to take the shirt off and go as her usual whore self.

****

Willblogforlols is written for entertainment purposes only. Going to go as a TV exec so I can pull each and every moronic political ad currently running on TV.

Andrew Wisot is a freelance writer for The Tonight Show with Jay Leno and an US Weekly Fashion Cop who’s “between jobs.” Andrew will blog for LOLs until he’s employed again or 50,000 miles, whichever comes first.        

Don’t follow me on Twitter

Email: andrew@willblogforlols.com

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EXCLUSIVE! Lindsay Lohan’s time at Betty Ford

October 4, 2010

"Is it 10pm yet?"

As you all know, Lindsay Lohan’s currently hiding out getting help at the Betty Ford Center in Rancho Mirage, CA. Radaronline has an exclusive look at what the hell Lindsay’s doing all day until her Oct. 22nd hearing.

Typical day for Lindsay at Betty Ford:

  • 7 am wake up call from being passed out. 
  • 7:30 am breakfast (this often consists of Gatorade and crackers). 
  • 8 am meditation followed by chores (chores are assigned during the first four days depending on Lindsay’s attitude. In other words, Lindsay does no chores).
  • 9 am group therapy (Lindsay keeps confusing this with group sex). 
  • 11 am individual therapy (Lindsay often skips this to go out for a smoke n swig).
  • 12 pm lunch (Lindsay usually skips this and heads to the pool to work on her bad tan).
  • 1 pm grief group (this is where Lindsay blames her dad for everything). 
  • 3 pm exercise (Lindsay now uses a 5 lb. weight when she snorts coke).
  • 4 pm meeting (often with her publicist to determine whether the public’s buying this particular trip to rehab). 
  • 6 pm dinner (Lindsay often eats her dinner in a stall, and it’s usually in a flask).
  • 10pm lights out (Lindsay sneaks out to drive to Vegas by 10:15pm)
  • 6:15am pass out.
  • *****

    Willblogforlols is written for entertainment purposes only. If you’re still voluntarily watching Sh!t My Dad Says, please get help.

    Andrew Wisot is a freelance writer for The Tonight Show with Jay Leno and an US Weekly Fashion Cop who’s “between jobs.” Andrew will blog for LOLs until he’s employed again or 50,000 miles, whichever comes first.        

    Don’t follow me on Twitter

    Email: andrew@willblogforlols.com

    The economy’s so bad………………

    September 10, 2010

    If they only made Viagra for the economy...

    cause there just aren’t enough jokes that begin with, “The economy’s so bad…”

    THE ECONOMY’S SO BAD…

    Lindsay Lohan now wearing her old prison jumpsuit just to look tan.

    The Situation lost his shirt.

    President Obama called Dubya and said, “Hey, want the job back?”

    Apple now coming out with an iouPhone.

    Pastor Terry Jones can no longer afford to make more enemies.

    Julia Roberts starring in a new film: Eat, Pray, Beg.

    People now shopping at the 98 cents store.

    Paris Hilton now getting caught with Crack-Helper in her her purse.

    Facebook now thinking of charging users and giving third parties user info.

    Levi Johnston has a new pick up line: Paper or plastic?

    *****

    Willblogforlols is written for entertainment purposes only. The economy’s so bad, I’m dreaming of one day becoming a thousandaire.

    Andrew Wisot is a freelance writer for The Tonight Show with Jay Leno and an US Weekly Fashion Cop who’s “between jobs.” Andrew will blog for LOLs until he’s employed again or 50,000 miles, whichever comes first.      

    Email: andrew@willblogforlols.com

    SUMMER BLOWOUT! “It’s so hot today” jokes!

    August 27, 2010
     
     
     
     
     
     

    Not a cloud in the sky. Or a bitchy JetBlue flight attendant.

    ALL WEATHER JOKES MUST GO!!! DO NOT PAY TIL 2009!!!

    It was so hot today…

    Lindsay Lohan splashed cold vodka on her face.

    That Muslim at Disneyland took off her hijab.

    Snooki started her own Hard Lemonade stand.

    Dr. Laura tried to chill with Ice Cube.

    Lindsay’s mom actually bought a Carvel cake.

    That JetBlue flight attendant finally cooled his jets.

    Levi Johnston impregnated a girl with frozen sperm.

    Lady Gaga finally won Who Wore It Best…by being naked.

    I actually saw someone drink water from a drinking fountain.

    And finally…

    It was so hot today…

    I actually bought a milkshake from Millions of Milkshakes.

    (Yes, they suck. Finally got around to trying their Oreo shake and it was basically ice water with little oreo crumbs. No flavor really. Wasn’t even creamy. I mean, aren’t milkshakes supposed to be creamy? And the oreo bits were microscopic. I mean, aren’t Oreos supposed to be chunky in milkshakes, so you can actually taste them? I’ll just stick with Oreo shakes from Jack and the Box & Burger King…tastier &  much cheaper! Just goes to show that celebrities like Miley Cyrus and Lindsay Lohan have no taste in milkshakes. No taste, get it? Actually, come to think of it, Lindsay has no taste, period. Plus, M.O.M.’s menu’s not easy to read. It’s hard to explain, you just have to be there…but I certainly wouldn’t recommend it. Anyway, thanks for asking.)

    ****

    Willblogforlols is written for entertainment purposes only. Soon to get a new sponsor: Millions of Milkshakes.

    Andrew Wisot is a freelance writer for The Tonight Show with Jay Leno and an US Weekly Fashion Cop who’s “between jobs.” Andrew will blog for LOLs until he’s employed again or 50,000 miles, whichever comes first.  

    Email: andrew@willblogforlols.com

    Wanna write for Madonna & Britney?

    August 5, 2010

    Make them say, "Oh God"...in a different way.

    You know who’s looking for a copywriter out of all places?

    Kabbalah.

    That’s right, The Kabbalah Centre in LA needs a copywriter to join their marketing team.

    So it got me wondering…

    * Could a Jehovah’s Witness manage to land a job writing for Kabbalah?

    * Are the red strings included?

    * Would I really be writing for “truly knowledgable” followers like Paris Hilton, Lindsay Lohan, and Britney Spears?

    * Can I belong to a different temple or would I need to be sucked in to Kabbalah all together?

    * Would I really have to attend Madonna’s next movie premiere?

    * Would my salary be paid in fake money, since they’re a fake religion?

    ****

    Willblogforlols is written for entertainment purposes only. All readers are invited to my circumcision this Saturday.

    Andrew Wisot is a freelance writer for The Tonight Show with Jay Leno and an US Weekly Fashion Cop who’s “between jobs.” Andrew will blog for LOLs until he’s employed again or 50,000 miles, whichever comes first.    

    Email: andrew@willblogforlols.com

    My Dream Jobs List

    July 23, 2010

    So desperate for work, I actually bought a paper.

    First white chef at Benihana.

    Lindsay Lohan’s bail bondsman.

    Oprah.

    The person who invented Facebook.

    Bristol Palin’s divorce lawyer.

    The person who invented water.

    Owner of HereAreYourWinningLotteryTickets.com

    The person who comes out with the answer to the iPhone.

    The guy rich enough to buy Costco stores in bulk.

    The person who invented the Snuggie.

    On second thought, forget the last one.

    ****

    Willblogforlols is written for entertainment purposes only. Willblogforlols is an equal opportunity dreamer.

    Andrew Wisot is a freelance writer for The Tonight Show with Jay Leno and an US Weekly Fashion Cop who’s “between jobs.” Andrew will blog for LOLs until he’s employed again or 50,000 miles, whichever comes first.  

    Email: andrew@willblogforlols.com

    It was so hot in LA today…

    July 20, 2010

    "Sun of a bitch." - Mel Gibson

    Lindsay finally stuck with a lawyer

    Al Gore stuck his tongue down a water hose

    Sarah Palin had to hose down Bristol and Levi

    Paris Hilton demanded bong water from the French Alps

    Betty White’s muffin’s finally moist. 

    Larry King just wore suspenders. 

    Bored kids were spraying Endust just to have their hands wrapped around something ice-cold. 

    Kids were refraining from peeing in the pool just to keep the water temp down. 

    Mel Gibson was panting just from the heat. 

    Mel Gibson called Oksana “a bitch in heat.” 

    **** 

    Willblogforlols is written for entertainment purposes only. Soon to be named a hurricane on The Weather Channel. 

    Andrew Wisot is a freelance writer for The Tonight Show with Jay Leno and an US Weekly Fashion Cop who’s “between jobs.” Andrew will blog for LOLs until he’s employed again or 50,000 miles, whichever comes first. 

    Email: andrew@willblogforlols.com

    Some other new career ideas for Mel Gibson

    July 12, 2010

    The leader of Al-Krazy.

    – Joe Biden’s new speechwriter.

    – Become a vuvuzela.

    – Start a dating site called YouLookLikeAFuckingVegasBitchInHeat.com.

    – Write a book called, “How To Insult Every Race and Religion Besides Mine.”

    – Use his hot temper to finally give LA a summer.

    – After getting dropped from WME, start own talent agency called KKK.

    – Play OJ in his next movie.

    – Team up with Lindsay Lohan on a movie called “I Know Who Killed Our Careers.”

    – Become someone’s bitch in heat in prison.

    – Go to hell.

    *****

    Willblogforlols is written for entertainment purposes only. There’s no excuse for domestic violence. Or for “Keeping Up With The Kardashians.”

    Andrew Wisot is a freelance writer for The Tonight Show with Jay Leno and an US Weekly Fashion Cop who’s “between jobs.” Andrew will blog for LOLs until he’s employed again or 50,000 miles, whichever comes first.

    Email: andrew@willblogforlols.com

    New Job Search Terms for 2010

    July 8, 2010

     

    How do you spell, "Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah?"

    Background check – Google.

    Curriculum Vitae (CV) – anyone who still uses this term is often disqualified for a job and sent immediately to Boca Raton, Florida. It’s called a “resume,” dammit!

    Contract employee – too cheap to hire on full-time.

    Competitive salary – since there are so many people out of work, you’re all competing for a salary.

    Flexible benefits – a way for companies to stretch benefits as much as they can to compensate for lack of compensation. 

    Hiring manager – God.

    Minimum qualifications – you won’t get hired if you only have these.

    Desired qualifications – …but these, ahhh!

    Salary History – Because of the bad economy, your salary is usually history.

    Salary Requirements – a way for companies to make candidates feel important and special…until they lower the boom with the actual salary.

    A raise – What this judge deserves.

    ****

    Willblogforlols is written for entertainment purposes only. Photo found in the dictionary under the defintion for Unemployed Of The Month.

    Andrew Wisot is a freelance writer for The Tonight Show with Jay Leno and an US Weekly Fashion Cop who’s “between jobs.” Andrew will blog for LOLs until he’s employed again or 50,000 miles, whichever one comes first.

    Email: andrew@willblogforlols.com

    Real Job Ad

    May 20, 2010

    WANTED: LIKE…REALLY REALLY GOOD LAWYER

    Really really good lawyer needed to save troubled actress’ ass in court. Must not back down in court, even if you know no one’s buying the BS coming out of your mouth. Must – like – look like you’re one of troubled actress’ BFFs and have plenty of money under the table to pay people off for “good progress reports.” Must be able to think outside the box for excuses why troubled actress isn’t in court (the dog ate her heroin just won’t cut it anymore). Excellent benefits. Like – you’ll get lots of photos of yourself on TMZ and stuff.

    If interested, respond immediately to cry for help.

    ****

    This post is purely a parody and written for entertainment purposes only. And remember: Friends don’t let friends lose their passports on drugs.

    Andrew Wisot is a freelance writer for The Tonight Show with Jay Leno and an US Weekly Fashion Cop who’s “between jobs.” Andrew will blog for LOLs until he’s employed again or 50,000 miles, whichever one comes first.

    Email: andrew@willblogforlols.com