Posts Tagged ‘larry king’

How the stars are celebrating Rosh Hashanah

September 9, 2010

Party Like It's 5799

Obama’s letting Muslims crash a service and then build a mosque there.

Madonna’s going to fake services at Kabbalah.

Sandra Bullock’s adopting a Jewish kid from the Bronx.

Bristol Palin’s trying to give Levi Johnston another circumcision.

Levi Johnston’s eating Brisket Jerky.

Larry King’s tickets to service are being transferred to Piers Morgan.

Steven Slater’s cursing out passengers on El Al – in Yiddish.

The Situation’s going to a service – wearing only a kippah and jeans.

Snooki’s drinking a yard of Manischewitz out of a giant Shofar.

Paris Hilton’s blowing a shofar, then giving it herpes.

****

Willblogforlols is written for entertainment purposes only. Feeling guilty for making fun of celebrities, but will atone for it next week during Yom Kippur.

Andrew Wisot is a freelance writer for The Tonight Show with Jay Leno and an US Weekly Fashion Cop who’s “between jobs.” Andrew will blog for LOLs until he’s employed again or 50,000 miles, whichever comes first.      

Email: andrew@willblogforlols.com

Advertisements

It was so hot in LA today…

July 20, 2010

"Sun of a bitch." - Mel Gibson

Lindsay finally stuck with a lawyer

Al Gore stuck his tongue down a water hose

Sarah Palin had to hose down Bristol and Levi

Paris Hilton demanded bong water from the French Alps

Betty White’s muffin’s finally moist. 

Larry King just wore suspenders. 

Bored kids were spraying Endust just to have their hands wrapped around something ice-cold. 

Kids were refraining from peeing in the pool just to keep the water temp down. 

Mel Gibson was panting just from the heat. 

Mel Gibson called Oksana “a bitch in heat.” 

**** 

Willblogforlols is written for entertainment purposes only. Soon to be named a hurricane on The Weather Channel. 

Andrew Wisot is a freelance writer for The Tonight Show with Jay Leno and an US Weekly Fashion Cop who’s “between jobs.” Andrew will blog for LOLs until he’s employed again or 50,000 miles, whichever comes first. 

Email: andrew@willblogforlols.com

Because Leno’s off this week 2…

June 30, 2010

Taken when he was just 18.

Larry King announced he’s stepping down from CNN’s “Larry King Live” after 25 years.

…or in his case, he’s fallen and can’t get up.

…King’s next move? Well, Depends.

…to celebrate, Larry and his wife tried a new position…in their Craftmatic Adjustable Bed.

…Anderson Cooper may replace Larry King. Guess that would make him Larry Queen?!

…don’t want to say that Larry’s old, but CNN’s new slogan for his show was, “The Hottest Wheelchair in Town.”

…Larry’s leaving CNN?! What will we not watch now at 6pm/9 central?

…King’s been on CNN for 25 years. He even makes a quarter century sound old.

…after the announcement, King indulged in a threesome…a three-hour nap.

….when asked what he’s going to do next, King said, “Heh??????”

…Ryan Seacrest may replace Larry King. Guess that would make him Larry Queen?!

*****

Willblogforlols is written for entertainment purposes only. Not responsible for accidents caused by Cranky Old Men.

Andrew Wisot is a freelance writer for The Tonight Show with Jay Leno and an US Weekly Fashion Cop who’s “between jobs.” Andrew will blog for LOLs until he’s employed again or 50,000 miles, whichever one comes first.

Email: andrew@willblogforlols.com

They’re Hiring!!! They’re Hiring!!!

May 3, 2010

Contrary to popular belief, the job market is getting better.

Here are five companies currently hiring, along with open job descriptions.

1.) KELLOGG’S

Job Title Open: Official Company Speller. Job Description: Helps the public – as well as employees – learn how to spell the name of the company. Is it Keloggs? Kellog’s? Kjelhoggs?

2.)  WALMART

Job Title Open: Walmart Rejecter. Job Description: Rejects all illegals from entering or applying to any Wal-Marts in Arizona. Well, okay…illegals can still work at Wal-Marts in Arizona. But shhhhhhhhhh….

3.) AT&T

Job Title Open: Telemarketer A-Hole Specialist. Job Description: To ensure that robocalls keep generating to the same number 9-14 times a day, 8 days a week.

4.) BANK OF AMERICA

Job Title Open: Geezer Bandit Hunter. Job Description: To finally catch this old fart once and for all. Must be able to walk at least 2 miles an hour.

5.) BAYADA NURSES

Job Title Open: Senior Care Specialist: Job Description: Marry Larry King. Must love Larry King’s money and have the desire to smother him with a pillow.

*****

This post is a parody and written for entertainment purposes only. There’s NO excuse for elderly abuse. Smacking Joan Rivers across her fifth face not included.

Andrew Wisot is a freelance writer for The Tonight Show with Jay Leno and an US Weekly Fashion Cop who’s “between jobs.” Andrew will blog for LOLs until he’s employed again or 50,000 miles, whichever one comes first.

Email: andrew@willblogforlols.com

Today I’m wondering…

April 20, 2010

If any job hunters still have the nerve to open their cover letter with, “I am writing in regards to the open position at your company.”

If any job hunters still have the nerve to write in the body of their cover letter that they’re “self-starters” and have a “strong work ethic.”

If any job hunters still use a “typewriter” to compose their “CV” and mail it through the US Postal Service after seeking a job in the “want ads.” (SCA-RY!)

If Larry King needs a full-time diaper changer. (SCAR-IER!)

If there are any companies that contact all applicants about the job, even “due to the high volume of resumes received.”

If other people out of work get just as excited as I do when my unemployment check arrives in the mail.

If there are any other blogs like mine that take a look at the lighter side of unemployment.

(Ya, I know…”Google it.”)

If anyone reads my blog and says to themself, “Don’t quit your day job………”

That’s all I’m wondering today.

*****

Andrew Wisot is a freelance writer for The Tonight Show with Jay Leno and an US Weekly Fashion Cop who’s “between jobs.” Andrew will blog for LOLs until he’s employed again or 50,000 miles, whichever one comes first.

Email: andrew@willblogforlols.com