Archive for May, 2010

Damn. Why Didn’t I Think Of That.

May 31, 2010

Yes, I am the sh!t.

Have you met the world’s most hated copywriter?

Why the world’s most hated copywriter?

Cause the guy’s a friggin genius.

28-year-old Alec Brownstein was seeking work at a big advertising agency.

Brownstein noticed there were sponsored links attached to the names of the creative directors he was trying to reach on Google.

He knew that everyone Googles themselves.

He bought the links attached to the creative directors (he was the only one). Therefore, when the creative directors Googled themselves, they’d see his ad targeted at them to hire him.

Every creative director got a hold of him but one (also the fifth dentist that doesn’t recommend sugarless gum to patients who chew gum).

He ended up getting two job offers from buying sponsored links…all for a mere $6.

Bastard!!!

You know what’s going to happen now, right?

That’s right…

5,000 copywriters are now gonna copycat him.

But hey, not me.

I have a trick up my sleeve that’ll set me apart from everyone else.

Now that everyone’s racing to buy sponsored links…

I’m sending in a cover letter and resume.

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Willblogforlols is written for entertainment purposes only.

Andrew Wisot is a freelance writer for The Tonight Show with Jay Leno and an US Weekly Fashion Cop who’s “between jobs.” Andrew will blog for LOLs until he’s employed again or 50,000 miles, whichever one comes first.

Email: andrew@willblogforlols.com

I’m Feeling Unproductive!

May 26, 2010

google...google...google...

Game over.

The BBC’s reporting that Google’s playable version of Pac-Man last Friday cost over $120 million in lost productivity.

That’s a lot of quarters!

They say on an average day, people spend a total of 4 minutes on the Google homepage. Last Friday, workers spent an average of 4 minutes and 30 seconds playing Google Pac-Man.

…Instead of perusing Facebook!

…Instead of reading TMZ!

…Instead of searching for porn!

…Instead of looking for jobs elsewhere!

…Instead of reading Willblogforlols.com!

*****

Andrew Wisot is a freelance writer for The Tonight Show with Jay Leno and an US Weekly Fashion Cop who’s “between jobs.” Andrew will blog for LOLs until he’s employed again or 50,000 miles, whichever one comes first.

Email: andrew@willblogforlols.com

Almost fired for being 2% fat

May 24, 2010

Sorry guys, I ate all the wings.

Did you see this hogwash…

Hooters allegedly put one of its waitress on “weight probation” because she’s considered too fat to work there.

Have you seen this “fat waitress?”

She’s 5’8″ and 132 pounds.

No wonder they want to fire her. She’s ballooned all the way up to a Size 1.

What a pig!!!

That’s like UCLA putting one of its professors on probation for being “too dumb” with only a 180 IQ.

Hey, if Hooters thinks this girl’s too fat…

Perhaps they should see Bruce Vilanch in a Hooters uniform.

****

Andrew Wisot is a freelance writer for The Tonight Show with Jay Leno and an US Weekly Fashion Cop who’s “between jobs.” Andrew will blog for LOLs until he’s employed again or 50,000 miles, whichever one comes first.

Email: andrew@willblogforlols.com

Not Mr. Write

May 21, 2010

Oh, this is good…

Someone posted an ad today on Craigslist for a writer to write his life story.

This guy says he’s going through a divorce, has had two brain surgeries, taken 80,000 pills for depression, lost his successful business, spent his entire life savings on legal fees, is now $500,000 in debt, was thrown in jail for two weeks because of false accusations and is now living in his truck.

(Any country music writers out there?)

Now he wants someone to write an article about his life and he’ll pay someone to do it.

Here’s my question.

He says he’s $500,000 in debt.

How’s he gonna PAY someone to write this article???

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Andrew Wisot is a freelance writer for The Tonight Show with Jay Leno and an US Weekly Fashion Cop who’s “between jobs.” Andrew will blog for LOLs until he’s employed again or 50,000 miles, whichever one comes first.

Email: andrew@willblogforlols.com

Real Job Ad

May 20, 2010

WANTED: LIKE…REALLY REALLY GOOD LAWYER

Really really good lawyer needed to save troubled actress’ ass in court. Must not back down in court, even if you know no one’s buying the BS coming out of your mouth. Must – like – look like you’re one of troubled actress’ BFFs and have plenty of money under the table to pay people off for “good progress reports.” Must be able to think outside the box for excuses why troubled actress isn’t in court (the dog ate her heroin just won’t cut it anymore). Excellent benefits. Like – you’ll get lots of photos of yourself on TMZ and stuff.

If interested, respond immediately to cry for help.

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This post is purely a parody and written for entertainment purposes only. And remember: Friends don’t let friends lose their passports on drugs.

Andrew Wisot is a freelance writer for The Tonight Show with Jay Leno and an US Weekly Fashion Cop who’s “between jobs.” Andrew will blog for LOLs until he’s employed again or 50,000 miles, whichever one comes first.

Email: andrew@willblogforlols.com

We’d like the $$$ back that you already spent

May 19, 2010

Did you see this?

Some idiot company gave their employers bonuses 16 years ago. Now, they want the bonuses back.

What???

And you thought you hated your job!

Actually – what happened was…these workers weren’t supposed to get the bonuses. There was some “mistake” with payroll…16 years ago.

Hey, good catch.

Just let ’em keep the damn money and suck it up!!!

Gee, what next…

Ask for money for all the water they drank out of the office water cooler, too?

****

Andrew Wisot is a freelance writer for The Tonight Show with Jay Leno and an US Weekly Fashion Cop who’s “between jobs.” Andrew will blog for LOLs until he’s employed again or 50,000 miles, whichever one comes first.

Email: andrew@willblogforlols.com

More Rejected Recruitment Slogans

May 18, 2010

BP Global: “Come take a spill into the world’s most disastrous industry!”

Goldman-Sachs: “Here today, at Congressional Hearings tomorrow.”

Koo Koo Roo: “Sorry: no openings since our stores keep closing.”

Forever 21: “Come help women pushing 40 dress like they’re still 20!”

Victoria’s Secret: “We’re an aggressive bunch the moment someone walks in to our store!”

Apple: “At Apple, we’re changing the face of technology faster than coming out with yet another useless version of the iPod!”

Southwest: “At Southwest, your office cubicle will have more leg room than coach.”

Tony Roma’s: “Yes, we know…’We’re still around?'”

McDonalds: “Still the pinnacle of embarrassing minimum wage jobs.”

*****

This post is purely a parody and written for entertainment purposes only.

Andrew Wisot is a freelance writer for The Tonight Show with Jay Leno and an US Weekly Fashion Cop who’s “between jobs.” Andrew will blog for LOLs until he’s employed again or 50,000 miles, whichever one comes first.

Email: andrew@willblogforlols.com

WANTED: The Easy Way Out

May 17, 2010

If you’re seeking a high-paying, low-stress job (unlike most people…), there’s good news.

Yahoo! Finance put out this helpful article listing five jobs that pay well and are low stress.

However, there are a few downsides to each one. Let’s take a look.

Physical Therapist

Advantage: Can earn $50,000-$105,000 a year.

Downside: After reading this article, there are now 105,000 more physical therapists to compete with.

Computer Software Engineer

Advantage: You can earn up to $130,000 a year.

Downside: Your job status will go from unemployed to nerd.

Civil Engineer

Advantage: You design and build the nation’s infrastructure!

Downside: Uh, the instructions are – like – hard.

Massage Therapist

Advantage: Quiet, tranquil atmosphere

Downside: Patrons who ask for “happy endings.” Towel not included.

Technical Writer

Advantage: Flexible hours, work from home!

Downside: Well, kind of hard to put into words. Pretty technical.

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Willblogforlols is written for entertainment purposes only.

Andrew Wisot is a freelance writer for The Tonight Show with Jay Leno and an US Weekly Fashion Cop who’s “between jobs.” Andrew will blog for LOLs until he’s employed again or 50,000 miles, whichever one comes first.

Email: andrew@willblogforlols.com

Why They’re Just Not That Into You

May 14, 2010

U.S. News has an informative article called, “7 Little Known Reasons You’re Not Getting Hired.”

Aside from the obvious reasons like showing up late to the interview and not coming prepared, there are some less obvious reasons that maybe you haven’t thought about.

Here are a few.

1.) You have unreasonable expectations.

So they won’t give you two weeks vacation upfront and loan you two weeks from the second year so you can take a month off to go backpacking in Europe…

2.) You’re relying too much on one search technique.

Craigslist is okay. But remember, Craigslist also has men posing as women in the erotic section who want to strangle you to death.

3.) You put your job search on hold while waiting to hear back from a company.

But I’m still not giving up hope on Tower Records!

4.) You are unknowingly repeating mistakes.

Gotta especially watch for tpyos on your cover letter.

5.) You use the word “I” too often in your cover letter.

Yes, it’s the opposite of what we’re supposed to do when someone’s hurt us.

Actually, I feel hurt I’m not hearing back from many companies I applied for. I would really like an apology.

****

Willblogforlols is written for entertainment purposes only.

Andrew Wisot is a freelance writer for The Tonight Show with Jay Leno and an US Weekly Fashion Cop who’s “between jobs.” Andrew will blog for LOLs until he’s employed again or 50,000 miles, whichever one comes first.

Email: andrew@willblogforlols.com

Had a job interview today

May 13, 2010

The hardest part?

Finding my way out of the parking structure.

I swear, that was the looooooooongest parking structure ever.

Everytime I’d make a turn, I’d keep driving more and more just to get to another turn, with no visitor exit in sight.

Like the Energizer bunny, it just kept going and going and going…

You know you’re in trouble when you’re in a parking structure and see a freeway sign inside that states:

Another Turn          2

Another Loop          2 1/2

Nearest Exit            3 1/2

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Andrew Wisot is a freelance writer for The Tonight Show with Jay Leno and an US Weekly Fashion Cop who’s “between jobs.” Andrew will blog for LOLs until he’s employed again or 50,000 miles, whichever one comes first.

Email: andrew@willblogforlols.com