FREE Job Lead: Work for CONAN!!!

I Want YOU...if you qualify.

A NEW High Profile Late Night Comedy Show in Burbank, CA is seeking a Comedy/Talk Show Clip Researcher.

You know what this means?

It’s for CONAN’S new show!!!

It’s gotta be!!!

How many other NEW High Profile Late Night Comedy Shows in Burbank are there?

Craig Kilborn?!

As a Comedy/Talk Show Clip Researcher, you’ll research, find, and procure all types of clips for comedy and guest segments.

Oh…

You also need to have 2 years experience as a talk show clip researcher.

So that whittles down the list to 3 people.

Oh well.

I hear Conan’s looking for a new drummer.

And George Lopez is seeking a new wife.

Apparently, his ex-wife got sick of him always telling everyone that he knows Sandra Bullock.

*****

Willblogforlols is written for entertainment purposes only. On my way to the doctors to see if my kidney’s a match for George Lopez before we get married.

Andrew Wisot is a freelance writer for The Tonight Show with Jay Leno and an US Weekly Fashion Cop who’s “between jobs.” Andrew will blog for LOLs until he’s employed again or 50,000 miles, whichever comes first.        

Don’t follow me on Twitter.

Email: andrew@willblogforlols.com

Late Night Fail

Don't forget to watch my show, "Canceled."

You know the problem with late night talk shows?

That’s right, there are WAY too many of them.

I mean really, do we need 13 talk shows making the same played out jokes about Tiger Woods being horny, BP being greedy, and Al Gore being extremely horny?

I was especially amused by Craig Kilborn’s return to the late night ring.

He’s got a new show called, “The Kilborn File.” (See, get it? “The Kilborn File?” “The X-Files?”)

Nice outdated play on words, BTW. What, was “Craigfeld” taken?

The show only has a six-week trial this summer on Fox. That’s how much confidence they have in the show.

So, Kilborn’s been gone from late night for years. He decides to give it another shot – after his career already died. And this is what happens.

Plus, if your new show’s not even being mentioned on this site, well, forget it.

Nice knowin ya, Craig.

Wanda Sykes also thought she could do a late night talk show.

Did you watch?

Of course not.

It looked like a cheesy infomercial, but with even worse writing.

And acting.

Now, look, I’m not trashing Craig and Wanda because they both passed on me as a writer.

Of course not.

My point is…there are too many damn talk shows out there, and it’s time to start getting innovative if these shows want to captivate an audience.

Coming out like a schmuck in a tie and a suit, doing a stale monologue, then a bit or two, then an interview just doesn’t cut it anymore.

Not in this day and age of Twitter, YouTube, and Snuggies.

So, what should late night TV do to inject freshness into the arena?

Pay me $250,000 a year, and I’ll let you know.

*****

Willblogforlols is written for entertainment purposes only. Any bitterness about not being on staff is purely coincidental.

Andrew Wisot is a freelance writer for The Tonight Show with Jay Leno and an US Weekly Fashion Cop who’s “between jobs.” Andrew will blog for LOLs until he’s employed again or 50,000 miles, whichever one comes first.

Email: andrew@willblogforlols.com

So You Think You Can Write For Late Night 3

Don’t fall for it.

I’m talking about conspicuous ads that pop up on Craigslist, EntertainmentCareers.net, and Media-Match.com for late night/variety show comedy writers.

THEY’RE NOT REAL.

They usually go something like this:

COMEDY WRITER WANTED

Need comedy writer for popular daytime talk show. Must love low-brow humor like fart jokes and Jim Carrey. Must be able to make people laugh. Must love being able to sit around all day, write jokes, and make lots of money….etc etc etc bla bla bla yadda yadda yadda…

First of all…

EVERYONE LOVES LOW-BROW HUMOR LIKE FART JOKES AND JIM CARREY…DUH!!!

and…

POPULAR DAYTIME TALK SHOWS DON’T NEED TO POST ADS TO FIND COMEDY WRITERS.

There are already PLENTY of people who would give their right arm to write comedy for a TV show.

And it’s the comedy writers who are WELL-CONNECTED who will get these jobs.

So why are these ads POSTED ANYWAY???

Probably to get unsuspecting job seekers on email lists to SPAM YOU with other jobs.

Dreamer beware.

*****

Andrew Wisot is a freelance writer for The Tonight Show with Jay Leno and an US Weekly Fashion Cop who’s “between jobs.” Andrew will blog for LOLs until he’s employed again or 50,000 miles, whichever one comes first.

Email: andrew@willblogforlols.com

So You Think You Can Write For Late Night 2

So hopefully by now, you’ve managed to score a freelance gig writing for late night.

I have some more guidelines for you that’ll be very helpful.

First off…don’t spend too much of your time writing jokes.

Seriously.

Spend only an hour at a time writing jokes.

Otherwise, you’ll go crazy writing joke after joke.

And the chances of getting a joke on late night TV as a freelance writer is less than 1%.

That’s right, less than 1%.

You’re competing against other freelancers.

And the show’s TV staff.

And it’s tough.

I remember when I’d write jokes like crazy for Leno.

I would sometimes spend the entire weekend writing jokes.

I would write – like – 15 pages of jokes.

15 pages!!!

And still get NOTHING on Monday night.

Just stick to the hour rule, and you’ll be okay.

Come to think of it, maybe you shouldn’t freelance jokes at all.

Too much competition and very little chance of getting your jokes on.

Tell you what…just let me handle the jokes.

Hey, you’re welcome.

*****

Willblogforlols is written for entertainment purposes only.

Andrew Wisot is a freelance writer for The Tonight Show with Jay Leno and an US Weekly Fashion Cop who’s “between jobs.” Andrew will blog for LOLs until he’s employed again or 50,000 miles, whichever one comes first.

Email: andrew@willblogforlols.com

So You Think You Can Write For Late Night?

Have you always dreamed of being on Leno or Letterman’s writing staff?

Do your parents tell you all the time you’re really funny?

Do you wanna be paid millions of dollars to write for late night?

Well, today’s your lucky day…I’m going to tell you HOW TO WRITE FOR LATE NIGHT.

First, the GOOD NEWS: It’s easy to break into late night as a freelance writer.

Now the BAD NEWS:  You’re never going to work in late night as a staff writer.

Call it tough love, but it’s the awful truth.

Here’s the deal:

– There are about 100 staff writing jobs in late nite.

– There are 1000s who want to write for late nite.

– People rarely leave their late nite writing jobs.

So here’s how you can turn your talent into a little side career…

1.) Look around at the day’s top stories and write 10 jokes.

2.) Send them in to the shows’ head writers & tell them you wanna write for late night.

If you’re good, and the show takes freelance writers, you’ll hear back from them.

They’ll make you sign a release form.

Now you’re set to fax jokes or email jokes into your favorite show and get paid $75-$100 for each joke they use.

…but you’re not alone. Many aspiring comedy writers do this.

Leno previously used hundreds and thousands of freelance writers to help him out with his monologue jokes for “The Tonight Show.”

I’ve been freelancing for Leno for over 10 years.

I’ve gotten lots of jokes on.

Hundreds.

And I’ve never been asked to join his staff.

I know a guy who also freelances for Leno for about the same amount of time.

He’s gotten TRIPLE the amount of jokes as me.

TRIPLE!!!

And he’s STILL not on staff, either.

Don’t expect to be asked to join Leno or Letterman’s writing staff.

It won’t happen.

Ever.

Well okay, it could happen.

And the day it happens, Megan Fox will also hit on you.

*****

Andrew Wisot is a freelance writer for The Tonight Show with Jay Leno and an US Weekly Fashion Cop who’s “between jobs.” Andrew will blog for LOLs until he’s employed again or 50,000 miles, whichever one comes first.

Email: andrew@willblogforlols.com

We’re screwed…

Did you see this? 

A report just came out how department stores, amusement parks and other retailers no longer need to hold job fairs for holiday or summer work because they’re already flooded with applicants (and sadly, most of whom are overqualified).

Shows you how times have changed.

Companies no longer need job fairs to get applicants cause there are way too many people looking for work?

I’m screwed.

But it reminded me of something I’ve been wanting to bring up…

Have you ever been to a job fair?

The one I decided to check out was TERRIBLE.

I thought the moment I walked in, I’d be lured by various companies desperately trying to get me to apply.

Nope.

The moment I walked in, I got nothing but dirty looks from most of the reps who obviously didn’t give a sh*t that I was desperately trying to find a job.

It was unbelievable, actually.

Most every person I talked too was just there to answer questions about the company — and some of them didn’t even seem to KNOW a lot about the company they were working for!

It was like a bad night of speed dating, but at least with speed dating, you usually got one or two “yesses.”

Never again.

And not just cause now I know job fairs are filled with imbeciles who don’t know what they’re doing.

Cause with all the people out of work now, they don’t need to put on sh*tty job fairs.

Good riddance.

In a related story, yes…Conan got the job selling popcorn at California Disney Adventure.

*****

Andrew Wisot is a freelance writer for The Tonight Show with Jay Leno and an US Weekly Fashion Cop who’s “between jobs.” Andrew will blog for LOLs until he’s employed again or 50,000 miles, whichever one comes first.

Email: andrew@willblogforlols.com

Job Hunter’s Guide To Valentine’s Day

Wanna kiss up to  sweeten that potential employer on Valentine’s Day?

Here are a few suggestions of what to send them on Feb 14th.

If you’re applying to Chick-fil-A, any candy or flowers will do…as long as it’s not sent on the 14th (it falls on a Sunday this year, so they’ll be closed).

If you’re applying for a job at Apple, you could send them an iPod filled with job-related songs like “Get a Job,” “9-5,” and “Workin’ For A Livin’.” Just whatever you do, don’t include “Take This Job and Shove It.”

It should go without saying if you’re applying for a job at See’s Candy, NEVER NEVER send them a Whitman’s Sampler. Dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb!

If you’re applying for a job at Snickers, also not a good idea to send them someone old like Betty White. Or Brett Favre.

If you’re applying for a job at Toyota, a nice touch would be to drive over to Toyota to hand deliver them a Valentine’s Day gift. As long as you’re not actually driving a Toyota.

If you’re applying for a job at McDonalds, you could make them personalized heart candies with phrases  like “I’m lovin’ it!” and “Supersize me, you fool!”

If you’re applying for a job at NBC, you could score points with them by screwing Conan…just like NBC.

If you’re applying for a job at Boost Mobile, you could get them a landline for Valentine’s Day so you could hear what they hell they’re saying.

If you’re applying for a job at Facebook, you could send them a new application called “Add Me As A Lover” and then as a courtesy completely re-do the entire homepage to piss off all the other Facebook users – again.

And finally…

If you’re applying for a job at Exxon, a great Valentine’s Day gift would be to go into an Exxon restroom and wipe it down completely from top to bottom.

Love stinks!!!

*****

Willblogforlols is written for entertainment purposes only.

Andrew Wisot is a freelance writer for The Jay Leno Show The Tonight Show with Jay Leno and an US Weekly Fashion Cop who’s “between jobs.” Andrew will blog for LOLs until he’s employed again or 50,000 miles, whichever one comes first.

Email: andrew@willblogforlols.com

Idiot Questions

Sigh. Idiot questions.

Yeah, those questions.

You know what I’m talking about.

The kinds of questions during a job interview that make you instantly want to strangle the person sitting across from you:

– Tell me about yourself.

– How do you handle conflict?

– Name three situations where you had to handle conflict, and the course of action you took to resolve conflict.

– If you could be an animal, which one would it be?

– If you could meet any person, dead or alive, who would it be?

– If you had a choice right now of punching me in the face or strangling me, which would it be?

WHY DO EMPLOYERS ASK US SUCH IDIOT QUESTIONS?

Seriously!

Why?

How is deciding which animal we’d like to be relevant to becoming a computer programmer?

Or a barista at Starbucks?

Or the next person to unseat Conan?

I’ll tell you why.

There is a reason.

Ready?

Employers actually DON’T CARE what kind of animal you want to be.

They want to see how well you react to PRESSURE.

They want to know how you deal when thrown a curve ball.

Many jobs require that you work well under pressure.

Well, this is their way of testing to see how well you do.

So the lesson to be learned…

When going in for an interview, be prepared for these “Gotcha!” kind of questions.

Look around on the Internet for these surprise questions and mentally rehearse some responses that you could give a potential employer.

Just be ready for them.

Now…there are some questions that employers CAN’T ask you during an interview.

Like…

– What’s your race?

– What’s your religion?

– How old are you?

– Are you a Clippers fan?

You can find out more info about what employers can’t ask here, and what to do about it if it does happen.

In the meantime, I’ve got a question for you.

If you ever bumped into the guy who came up with the idea to ask idiot questions during an interview, which limb would you tear off first?

*****

Willblogforlols is written for entertainment purposes only. There’s NO excuse for office violence. And if you really are a Clippers fan, never admit that to ANYBODY.

Andrew Wisot is a freelance writer for The Jay Leno Show and an US Weekly Fashion Cop who’s “between jobs.” Andrew will blog for LOLs until he’s employed again or 50,000 miles, whichever one comes first.

Email: andrew@willblogforlols.com

MORE Famous Work Quotes

Every person born into this world their work is born with them. But enough about kids in Chinese sweatshops. – Mark Twain

Thinking is the hardest work there is, which is the probable reason so few engage in it. Ouch… – Henry Ford

Every calling is great when greatly pursued. Yeah, even I don’t know what the hell that means. – Oliver Wendell Holmes

The more one works, the more willing one is to work. His name’s Jay Leno. – Lord Chesterfield

Every man is the son of his own works. It’s called masturbation. – Miguel de Cervantes

Work is victory, unless your work is playing for the Detroit Lions. –  Ralph Waldo Emerson

A shoe that is too large is apt to trip one, and when too small, to pinch the feet. But if you have a foot fetish, it doesn’t matter. – Horace

I never did a day’s work in my life. It was all fun. – Paris Hilton

Work is not a curse, but working for Toyota public relations is! – Henry Ward Beecher

If at first you don’t succeed, go to Fox. – Conan O’Brien

This post is purely a parody and for entertainment purposes only. You can find the actual work quotes and many more quotes here. 

Andrew Wisot is a freelance writer for The Jay Leno Show and an US Weekly Fashion Cop who’s “between jobs.” Andrew will blog for LOLs until he’s employed again or 50,000 miles, whichever one comes first.

Whatever the hell happened to…

Monster.com and Careerbuilder.com.

Seriously…

What happened to them?

They used to be the big bad motherf@#$ers of job sites.

I mean, they’re still around…

But they don’t seem as relevant as they used to be.

Remember when Monster and Careerbuilder were like the McDonalds and Starbucks of job sites?

Now they’re more like the Matt Drudge and Napster of job sites. 

When I was looking for work years ago, I knew I could ALWAYS rely on both sites for endless lists of TOP NOTCH jobs.

Now it seems other sites like Conan’s favorite have taken over and left the big guys with slim pickens.

Like a seedy bar five minutes before closing time.

Here’s what comes up – seriously – when I do a basic search for a WRITER job in Los Angeles on Careerbuilder:

Epic Reports Writer (Company 1)

Writer/Photographer (Company 2)

Writer/Photographer (Company 2)

Writer/Photographer (Company 2)

Writer/Photographer (Company 2)

Writer/Photographer (Company 2)

Writer/Photographer (Company 2)

Writer/Photographer (Company 2)

Writer/Photographer (Company 2)

That’s right…EIGHT POSTINGS on Careerbuilder for a Writer/Photographer for the SAME COMPANY.

Speaking of which…

You know another name for a Writer/Photographer?

Unemployed.

Andrew Wisot is a freelance writer for The Jay Leno Show and an US Weekly Fashion Cop who’s “between jobs.” Andrew will blog for LOLs until he’s employed again or 50,000 miles, whichever one comes first.

Email: andrew@willblogforlols.com