Posts Tagged ‘iPod’

More Rejected Recruitment Slogans

May 18, 2010

BP Global: “Come take a spill into the world’s most disastrous industry!”

Goldman-Sachs: “Here today, at Congressional Hearings tomorrow.”

Koo Koo Roo: “Sorry: no openings since our stores keep closing.”

Forever 21: “Come help women pushing 40 dress like they’re still 20!”

Victoria’s Secret: “We’re an aggressive bunch the moment someone walks in to our store!”

Apple: “At Apple, we’re changing the face of technology faster than coming out with yet another useless version of the iPod!”

Southwest: “At Southwest, your office cubicle will have more leg room than coach.”

Tony Roma’s: “Yes, we know…’We’re still around?'”

McDonalds: “Still the pinnacle of embarrassing minimum wage jobs.”

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This post is purely a parody and written for entertainment purposes only.

Andrew Wisot is a freelance writer for The Tonight Show with Jay Leno and an US Weekly Fashion Cop who’s “between jobs.” Andrew will blog for LOLs until he’s employed again or 50,000 miles, whichever one comes first.

Email: andrew@willblogforlols.com

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NEW Jobs Needed Yesterday

April 26, 2010

Advisor to Jennifer Lopez to change her mind about making any more romantic comedies.

Inventor to come out with a Dasani water that’s just bottled water. No salt. No magnesium sulfate. No chemicals to make Dasani basically Coca-Cola water.

Inventor to come out with an anti-hunch indicator that disables motorist’s instincts that I’m trying to get into their lane, and therefore speed up.

And on that note…

Inventor to come out with dual car pushers that push two cars going slow behind you in both lanes to actually go the speed limit.

CHP for non-existent CHP on the freeways everytime I’m going the speed limit and at least three other cars are going 95.

Computer programmer to stop my iPod from leaning toward the same 20 songs in shuffle mode, despite having over 3,000 songs to choose from.

Clean up crew for the mounds of shredded paper all over the carpets and floors as a result of shredding paper that escaped the shredder waste basket.

Movie enforcement officers to arrest movie theater companies that charge $19.00 a movie ticket.

Second advisor to Jennifer Lopez to change her mind about making any more romantic comedies.

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Willblogforlols is written for entertainment purposes only…most of the time.

Andrew Wisot is a freelance writer for The Tonight Show with Jay Leno and an US Weekly Fashion Cop who’s “between jobs.” Andrew will blog for LOLs until he’s employed again or 50,000 miles, whichever one comes first.

Email: andrew@willblogforlols.com

Job Hunter’s Guide To Valentine’s Day

February 11, 2010

Wanna kiss up to  sweeten that potential employer on Valentine’s Day?

Here are a few suggestions of what to send them on Feb 14th.

If you’re applying to Chick-fil-A, any candy or flowers will do…as long as it’s not sent on the 14th (it falls on a Sunday this year, so they’ll be closed).

If you’re applying for a job at Apple, you could send them an iPod filled with job-related songs like “Get a Job,” “9-5,” and “Workin’ For A Livin’.” Just whatever you do, don’t include “Take This Job and Shove It.”

It should go without saying if you’re applying for a job at See’s Candy, NEVER NEVER send them a Whitman’s Sampler. Dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb!

If you’re applying for a job at Snickers, also not a good idea to send them someone old like Betty White. Or Brett Favre.

If you’re applying for a job at Toyota, a nice touch would be to drive over to Toyota to hand deliver them a Valentine’s Day gift. As long as you’re not actually driving a Toyota.

If you’re applying for a job at McDonalds, you could make them personalized heart candies with phrases  like “I’m lovin’ it!” and “Supersize me, you fool!”

If you’re applying for a job at NBC, you could score points with them by screwing Conan…just like NBC.

If you’re applying for a job at Boost Mobile, you could get them a landline for Valentine’s Day so you could hear what they hell they’re saying.

If you’re applying for a job at Facebook, you could send them a new application called “Add Me As A Lover” and then as a courtesy completely re-do the entire homepage to piss off all the other Facebook users – again.

And finally…

If you’re applying for a job at Exxon, a great Valentine’s Day gift would be to go into an Exxon restroom and wipe it down completely from top to bottom.

Love stinks!!!

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Willblogforlols is written for entertainment purposes only.

Andrew Wisot is a freelance writer for The Jay Leno Show The Tonight Show with Jay Leno and an US Weekly Fashion Cop who’s “between jobs.” Andrew will blog for LOLs until he’s employed again or 50,000 miles, whichever one comes first.

Email: andrew@willblogforlols.com

Why Unemployment Is Unfair #58

February 10, 2010

It’s distracting.

I mean, think about it. We have to spend our FREE time finding jobs. Yet, we have all this FREEDOM to do other things.

Oh…now I remember those five songs I wanted from iTunes.

“WE ARE THE WORLD!!! WE ARE THE CHILDREN!!!”

Okay, I’m back.

It’s like…instead of going to a 9-5 job, we’re just sitting at home.

Gee…the couch looks so comfy and I’m feeling sleepy. Think I’ll lie down for a bit.

K, it’s five hours later…but I’m determined to finish today’s blog!

So as I was saying…unemployment’s hard cause you have to motivate yourself to look for jobs when there are just SO MANY other things we could be doing.

Things To Do:

– backup iTunes purchases

– clean out closet

– take car to get serviced

– catch up on Oprah

– take another nap

20 minutes later.

Yawwwn, well at least I got the important one out of the way.

So where was I…

Ah!

Why unemployment’s unfair.

In a nutshell, it could get distr…

Oh, wait a call.

Okay cool…meeting the girlfriend and another couple for dinner!

Two hours later…

Oh man, I knew I shouldn’t have eaten that whole dessert. 

So as I was saying….

Unemployment’s unfair because with so much freedom to do what we want, it’s easy to get distracted, which doesn’t help when you have a blog to fini

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Andrew Wisot is a freelance writer for The Jay Leno Show The Tonight Show with Jay Leno and an US Weekly Fashion Cop who’s “between jobs.” Andrew will blog for LOLs until he’s employed again or 50,000 miles, whichever one comes first.

Email: andrew@willblogforlols.com

Recession-Proof Jobs!

January 15, 2010

They’re saying the recession’s over but that it’ll still take a while for the job market to pick up again.

Well, I say…bull!

Hasn’t it occurred to these so-called economic analysts there are Recession-Proof Jobs that could be made available right now…jobs that have yet to be created but that are DESPERATELY NEEDED?

Here are a few…

Pre-Maid:  This is someone who can do the “pre-cleaning” for you before the maid actually comes over to clean your house (why the hell  do we do that anyway?).

Pre-Car Washer: Sort of like a pre-maid, this is someone who can “pre-clean” your car before getting it cleaned at the car wash (why the hell do we do that anyway?).

RA for apartment complexes: No more banging on the walls when your idiot neighbor blares their TV too loud. Just go to your RA (resident assistant), and they’ll knock on their door for you and tell them to keep it quiet.  But sorry…if someone pulls a fire alarm at 3am, they’re still getting you out of bed.

Professional Line Stander/Table waiter: Tired of standing in lines at amusement parks and waiting for tables at restaurants? Let Line Standers and Table Waiters do all the waiting for you, then they’ll text you when you’re up. Yes, Table Waiters will even go up to the hostess desk, give them a dirty look, and ask how much longer for you.

Tech Psychic: This is someone who can predict when your computer’s going to die as well as predict when and if it’s time to get the next generation iPod/iPhone. But sorry, they can’t help you either with Window’s Vista.

Medical Translator: Tired of having a blank stare when your doctor discusses your medical issues with you? Just hire a medical translator to come with you, and they’ll translate the doctor’s language into something you can understand.  But sorry guys, Medical Translators won’t take the prostate exam for you.

Political Translator: Having trouble understanding politicians when it’s time to go to the polls? A political translator can help you understand what politicians are really lying talking about and where they really stand on the issues. They could have used a Political Translator in the movie “Swing Vote.”

They also could have used better acting.

Andrew Wisot is a freelance writer for The Jay Leno Show and an US Weekly Fashion Cop who’s “between jobs.” Andrew will blog for LOLs until he’s employed again or 50,000 miles, whichever one comes first.

Email: andrew@willblogforlols.com