Posts Tagged ‘cv’

New Job Search Terms for 2010

July 8, 2010

 

How do you spell, "Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah?"

Background check – Google.

Curriculum Vitae (CV) – anyone who still uses this term is often disqualified for a job and sent immediately to Boca Raton, Florida. It’s called a “resume,” dammit!

Contract employee – too cheap to hire on full-time.

Competitive salary – since there are so many people out of work, you’re all competing for a salary.

Flexible benefits – a way for companies to stretch benefits as much as they can to compensate for lack of compensation. 

Hiring manager – God.

Minimum qualifications – you won’t get hired if you only have these.

Desired qualifications – …but these, ahhh!

Salary History – Because of the bad economy, your salary is usually history.

Salary Requirements – a way for companies to make candidates feel important and special…until they lower the boom with the actual salary.

A raise – What this judge deserves.

****

Willblogforlols is written for entertainment purposes only. Photo found in the dictionary under the defintion for Unemployed Of The Month.

Andrew Wisot is a freelance writer for The Tonight Show with Jay Leno and an US Weekly Fashion Cop who’s “between jobs.” Andrew will blog for LOLs until he’s employed again or 50,000 miles, whichever one comes first.

Email: andrew@willblogforlols.com

Advertisements

Today I’m wondering…

April 20, 2010

If any job hunters still have the nerve to open their cover letter with, “I am writing in regards to the open position at your company.”

If any job hunters still have the nerve to write in the body of their cover letter that they’re “self-starters” and have a “strong work ethic.”

If any job hunters still use a “typewriter” to compose their “CV” and mail it through the US Postal Service after seeking a job in the “want ads.” (SCA-RY!)

If Larry King needs a full-time diaper changer. (SCAR-IER!)

If there are any companies that contact all applicants about the job, even “due to the high volume of resumes received.”

If other people out of work get just as excited as I do when my unemployment check arrives in the mail.

If there are any other blogs like mine that take a look at the lighter side of unemployment.

(Ya, I know…”Google it.”)

If anyone reads my blog and says to themself, “Don’t quit your day job………”

That’s all I’m wondering today.

*****

Andrew Wisot is a freelance writer for The Tonight Show with Jay Leno and an US Weekly Fashion Cop who’s “between jobs.” Andrew will blog for LOLs until he’s employed again or 50,000 miles, whichever one comes first.

Email: andrew@willblogforlols.com

Today, I was wondering…

March 24, 2010

If Chick-fil-A had Jewish owners, would it be closed on Saturdays.

If anyone still calls resumes CVs.

If anyone still uses a typewriter to compose CVs.

If there’s a CEO of a company named SEO.

If they hand out pink slips at Pink Taco.

If they hand out pink slips at Victoria’s Secret.

If someone would get fired at Apple for using a PC.

What a corner office in a dome-shaped building looks like.

If Forbes ever made its own list.

If anyone ever noticed that resume backwards is emuser.

If anyone’s emused by my blog.

*****
Andrew Wisot is a freelance writer for The Tonight Show with Jay Leno and an US Weekly Fashion Cop who’s “between jobs.” Andrew will blog for LOLs until he’s employed again or 50,000 miles, whichever one comes first.

Email: andrew@willblogforlols.com