Archive for January, 2010

Survey Saturday!

January 30, 2010

After your boss told you he/she was letting you go, you wanted:

a.) to tell your boss off.

b.) to slash the tires on your boss’ car.

c.) to send Suge Knight “to have a word with your boss.”

d.) to create a fake ad in Craigslist’s casual encounters section with your boss’ name and phone number.

e.) all the above. DUH!!!

BE FAMOUS FOR A DAY! SEND IN YOUR COMMENTS BELOW!!!

Willblogforlols is written for entertainment purposes only. Do not try these ideas at home or work…they could result in some serious prison time with a cellmate who resembles Suge Knight. And that would definitely not be LOL.

Andrew Wisot is a freelance writer for The Jay Leno Show and an US Weekly Fashion Cop who’s “between jobs.” Andrew will blog for LOLs until he’s employed again or 50,000 miles, whichever one comes first.

MORE Famous Work Quotes

January 29, 2010

Every person born into this world their work is born with them. But enough about kids in Chinese sweatshops. – Mark Twain

Thinking is the hardest work there is, which is the probable reason so few engage in it. Ouch… – Henry Ford

Every calling is great when greatly pursued. Yeah, even I don’t know what the hell that means. – Oliver Wendell Holmes

The more one works, the more willing one is to work. His name’s Jay Leno. – Lord Chesterfield

Every man is the son of his own works. It’s called masturbation. – Miguel de Cervantes

Work is victory, unless your work is playing for the Detroit Lions. –  Ralph Waldo Emerson

A shoe that is too large is apt to trip one, and when too small, to pinch the feet. But if you have a foot fetish, it doesn’t matter. – Horace

I never did a day’s work in my life. It was all fun. – Paris Hilton

Work is not a curse, but working for Toyota public relations is! – Henry Ward Beecher

If at first you don’t succeed, go to Fox. – Conan O’Brien

This post is purely a parody and for entertainment purposes only. You can find the actual work quotes and many more quotes here

Andrew Wisot is a freelance writer for The Jay Leno Show and an US Weekly Fashion Cop who’s “between jobs.” Andrew will blog for LOLs until he’s employed again or 50,000 miles, whichever one comes first.

Write Dirty to Me

January 27, 2010

I saw an ad on Craigslist today that just made me LOL.

There’s a company seeking part-time “Contemporary Erotica Writers” for their 2010/2011 catalog of full-length novels.

They say the only requirement for the job is that you have “a contemporary perspective on good, kinky sex” for books that “overtly mix the female and male perspectives.”

This made me wonder about applying for the job of “Contemporary Erotica Writer”…

– Is the rate $3.99 a page, $2.99 each additional page?

– Are the books only available in hard cover?

– Do all the books have happy endings?

– If the stories are too short, who makes them longer…a fluffer?

– Do the men in these stories last at least 2 minutes longer than actual men? 

–  If you get fired as an erotic writer, does that mean you’re also lousy in bed?

– Is there a “Sr. Contemporary Erotica Writer?”

– What if your parents read one of your novels and tell you, “Great job!”

– What exactly is the female perspective on good, kinky sex…spooning with a blindfold?

– So what are you wearing?

*****

Andrew Wisot is a freelance writer for The Jay Leno Show and an US Weekly Fashion Cop who’s “between jobs.” Andrew will blog for LOLs until he’s employed again or 50,000 miles, whichever one comes first.

Email: andrew@willblogforlols.com

Answers to Stupid Interview Questions

January 26, 2010

Stupid Question 1: Tell me about yourself.

Answer: Why, didn’t you prepare for this interview?

Stupid Question 2: If you could be any animal, which one would be you be?

Answer: I would actually be a can of Raid since you’re being a real pest.

Stupid Question 3: Why should we hire you?

Answer: Why should I work here?

Stupid Question 4: What’s your greatest weakness?

Answer for Men: Girls!

Answer for Women: Shopping!

Stupid Question 5: Where do you see yourself in five years?

Answer: Rich, retired, and not answering idiot questions like where do I see myself in five years.

Stupid Question 6: How do you take criticism?

Answer: What the hell’s that supposed to mean???

Stupid Question 7:  Can you work under pressure and deadlines?

Answer: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

Stupid Question 8: How do you feel about working overtime?

Answer: How do you feel about flight delays?

Stupid Question 9: Are you religious?

Answer: Death to America!

Stupid Question 10: How do you define sexual harassment?

Answer: Are you a top or bottom?

Willblogforlols is written for entertainment purposes only.

Andrew Wisot is a freelance writer for The Jay Leno Show and an US Weekly Fashion Cop who’s “between jobs.” Andrew will blog for LOLs until he’s employed again or 50,000 miles, whichever one comes first.

Email: andrew@willblogforlols.com

Willblogforlols EXTRA: Didja hear my jokes on LENO?

January 26, 2010

LOOKS LIKE CALIFORNIA IS ABOUT TO LEGALIZE MARIJUANA.  IN FACT, CALIFORNIA’S NEW SLOGAN…YES, WE CANNABIS

ON “20/20,” THE OTHER NIGHT THEY DID A REPORT ABOUT HOW MORE AND MORE TEENAGERS ARE REPORTING SEXUAL ADVANCES FROM THEIR SUPERVISORS AND MANAGERS AT FAST FOOD CHAINS LIKE MCDONALDS AND STARBUCKS.  MORE AND MORE TEENAGERS ARE REPORTING SEXUAL ADVANCES FROM THEIR JOBS AT MCDONALDS.  AND YOU DON’T EVEN WANT TO KNOW WHAT’S GOING ON AT IN & OUT.

Both mine.

Mine! Mine! Mine! Mine! Mine!

Tonight, I’m on Team Leno.

Andrew Wisot is a freelance writer for The Jay Leno Show and an US Weekly Fashion Cop who’s “between jobs.” Andrew will blog for LOLs until he’s employed again or 50,000 miles, whichever one comes first.

Email: andrew@willblogforlols.com

Survey Saturday!

January 23, 2010

Which phrase should be BANNED from job descriptions?

a.) Must be a self-starter.

b.) Must have a proven track record.

c.) Must be available on weekends, holidays, and overnights.

d.) Must pass a drug test.

MUST send in your comments below if you wanna be famous for a day!

Andrew Wisot is a freelance writer for The Jay Leno Show and an US Weekly Fashion Cop who’s “between jobs.” Andrew will blog for LOLs until he’s employed again or 50,000 miles, whichever one comes first.

Email: andrew@willblogforlols.com

Whatever the hell happened to…

January 22, 2010

Monster.com and Careerbuilder.com.

Seriously…

What happened to them?

They used to be the big bad motherf@#$ers of job sites.

I mean, they’re still around…

But they don’t seem as relevant as they used to be.

Remember when Monster and Careerbuilder were like the McDonalds and Starbucks of job sites?

Now they’re more like the Matt Drudge and Napster of job sites. 

When I was looking for work years ago, I knew I could ALWAYS rely on both sites for endless lists of TOP NOTCH jobs.

Now it seems other sites like Conan’s favorite have taken over and left the big guys with slim pickens.

Like a seedy bar five minutes before closing time.

Here’s what comes up – seriously – when I do a basic search for a WRITER job in Los Angeles on Careerbuilder:

Epic Reports Writer (Company 1)

Writer/Photographer (Company 2)

Writer/Photographer (Company 2)

Writer/Photographer (Company 2)

Writer/Photographer (Company 2)

Writer/Photographer (Company 2)

Writer/Photographer (Company 2)

Writer/Photographer (Company 2)

Writer/Photographer (Company 2)

That’s right…EIGHT POSTINGS on Careerbuilder for a Writer/Photographer for the SAME COMPANY.

Speaking of which…

You know another name for a Writer/Photographer?

Unemployed.

Andrew Wisot is a freelance writer for The Jay Leno Show and an US Weekly Fashion Cop who’s “between jobs.” Andrew will blog for LOLs until he’s employed again or 50,000 miles, whichever one comes first.

Email: andrew@willblogforlols.com

EXCLUSIVE! Conan’s Severance Agreement

January 21, 2010

                             SEVERANCE AGREEMENT

THIS SEVERANCE AGREEMENT AND RELEASE (hereinafter “Forced Compromise”) is made between Conan O’Brien (hereinafter “SCORNED EMPLOYEE”) and NBC (“BIG OIL COMPANY OF TELEVISION”).  SCORNED EMPLOYEE and BIG OIL COMPANY OF TELEVISION hereby reluctantly agree to the following terms:

1.)  Severance Payment:  BIG OIL COMPANY OF TELEVISION shall pay SCORNED EMPLOYEE the potential sum of $33 million to let the door his ass on the way out. In exchange, SCORNED EMPLOYEE must agree to find a better deal from SMALLER OIL COMPANY OF TELEVISION so BIGGER OIL COMPANY OF TELEVISION won’t have to pay a dime. SCORNED EMPLOYEE also agrees to a “sitting out period” of 4 years (8 months in dog years)  8 months before going back on the air. SCORNED EMPLOYEE may compete against old/new “Tonight Show” host Jay Leno, but only during NBC’s encore telecast of “The Tonight Show” at 2:05am not any earlier than September 2010.

2.) Release of Claims: SCORNED EMPLOYEE and BIG COMPANY OF TELEVISION shall discharge one another from any blame (starting now, the last two weeks didn’t count) by releasing phony statements to accompany official announcement of SCORNED EMPLOYEE’S exit. SCORNED EMPLOYEE shall release statement such as, “For 17 years, NBC gave me the opportunity to be at the forefront of late night television. It is with great sadness that our relationship has come to an end. They can go to hell. I wish them well.” In exchange, BIG OIL COMPANY OF TELEVISION shall release similar phony statement such as, “Conan O’Brien is a truly innovative entertainer who can leap tall buildings in a single bound, bring peace to the Middle East, and walk on water. We are elated sad to see Conan go, and he can go to hell we wish him well.”

3.) Division of Assets: Since BIG OIL COMPANY OF TELEVISION has better lawyers than SCORNED EMPLOYEE, BIG OIL COMPANY OF TELEVISION shall retain such SCORNED EMPLOYEE signature characters like TRIUMPH THE INSULT COMIC DOG and THE MASTURBATING BEAR. BIG OIL COMPANY OF TELEVISION acknowledges that no one can make either character come alive like SCORNED EMPLOYEE, but will keep them anyway just to piss off SCORNED EMPLOYEE.

UNDERSTOOD, ACKNOWLEDGED, AND AGREED.

____________________________   (sign here)

Conan O’Brien

_  (sign here)

NBC

This post is purely a parody and for entertainment purposes only. 

Andrew Wisot is a freelance writer for The Jay Leno Show and an US Weekly Fashion Cop who’s “between jobs.” Andrew will blog for LOLs until he’s employed again or 50,000 miles, whichever one comes first.

Email: andrew@willblogforlols.com

Learn from Conan’s mistakes

January 20, 2010

There’s a great article that just hit AOL about  how to negotiate a better contract than The Ginger Man.

Basically, it says you should get everything in writing, review non-compete clauses carefully, and make sure what’s obvious is obvious.

Like the hours you work. Otherwise, your company may end up making you report to work at 12:05am.

Uh, no thanks.

Andrew Wisot is a freelance writer for The Jay Leno Show and an US Weekly Fashion Cop who’s “between jobs.” Andrew will blog for LOLs until he’s employed again or 50,000 miles, whichever one comes first.

Email: andrew@willblogforlols.com

Famous Work Quotes

January 20, 2010

Choose a job you love, and you will never have to work a day in your life…especially if NBC pays you off to leave. – Confucius

No work, no money. No money, no honeys. – Tiger Woods

A champion of the working man has never yet been known to die of overwork…but then again, Jay Leno was rushed to the hospital. – Robert Frost

Thunder is impressive, but it is lightning that does the work…and it must be lightning that affects T-Mobile customers. – Mark Twain

When you cease to make a contribution, you begin to die…shouldn’t Joan Rivers be dead by now? – Eleanor Roosevelt

Work is a refuge of people who have nothing better to do…except for K-Fed. – Oscar Wilde

It is the working man who is the happy man. It is the idle man from a rich family who’s the happier man. – Benjamin Franklin. 

Want is the mother of industry. Want but can’t have is a real motherf@#$%r.  – Proverb

By working faithfully eight hours a day, you may eventually get replaced by a guy in India twelve hours away. – Robert Frost

Do the hard jobs first. The easy jobs will take care of themselves…oh, who am I fooling. – Dale Carnegie

A man grows most tired while standing still…which is why they never made vertical La-Z-Boys. – Chinese proverb

Every calling is great when greatly pursued…unless it’s a guy asking a girl for a date on his cell phone while going through a tunnel. – Oliver Wendell Holmes

I’d kill to be at a normal 9-5 right now. – OJ Simpson

This post is purely a parody and for entertainment purposes only. You can find the actual work quotes and many more here

Andrew Wisot is a freelance writer for The Jay Leno Show and an US Weekly Fashion Cop who’s “between jobs.” Andrew will blog for LOLs until he’s employed again or 50,000 miles, whichever one comes first.

Email: andrew@willblogforlols.com