Archive for March, 2011

Goodbye, Everyone. Job Search Over…I Think?!

March 4, 2011

Produced by Andrew Wisot. Andrew Wisot produced by His Parents.

After 1 year, 3 months, and four days of being unemployed, I received a job offer that I decided to accept.

I am joining Conan’s writing staff for $250,000 a year.

No, not really.

I’ve accepted a part-time job that could lead to full-time. Training starts at the end of the month.

As I’ve always stated at the end of my blogs, I would Blog For LOLs until I was employed again or 50,000 miles, whichever comes first. Well, it’s been 500,000 miles, and as you all know, gas prices are a real bitch.

Actually, I haven’t decided yet if this will be the final blog for Freelols/Willblogforlols, but I can tell you I won’t have the time to blog after the end of the month.

Go ahead, have a good cry. Really. You’ll feel better.

However, I am still fielding other offers.

Employers…feel free to peruse for writing/blogging samples. But…time is running out!

Everyone else….Boycott Lindsay.

Goodbye. For now.

*****

Andrew Wisot is a freelance writer for The Tonight Show with Jay Leno and an US Weekly Fashion Cop who’s “between jobs.” Andrew will blog for LOLs until he’s employed again or 50,000 miles, whichever comes first.

Don’t follow me on Twitter.

Email: andrew@willblogforlols.com

12 Steps Charlie Sheen Needs to Take ASAP

March 3, 2011

Uh-oh...Charlie's talking out of his ass again.

1.) Shut up. Rinse. Repeat.

2.) Detox. Rinse. Repeat.

3.) Take an actual drug test. Not a breathalyzer from Promises to determine if his breath smells like cocaine.

4.) Realize he has idiot blood, not tiger blood. He only has the sexual prowess of Tiger Woods.

5.) Understand the difference between winning and losing. He’s lost his show, his two kids, and his dignity. Wait, Sheen’s never had any dignity!

6.) Stop thinking about sex anytime someone says the number six.

7.) Realize there’s no such drug called Charlie Sheen. I looked it up!

8.) Get rid of that stupid grimace, complete with the arched eyebrows thing.

9.) No #9. Too busy following Sheen on Twitter cause I’m also an idiot and must do what everyone else does.

10.) Closing your eyes doesn’t cure addiction. Hiding out at Betty Ford for six months does.

11.) Get help quickly because I’m tired of the predictable comparisons with Lindsay Lohan and Moammar Khadaffi.

12.) Take 12-steps…to the nearest black hole.

13.) Uh-oh…Charlie Sheen’s butt f*cking another porn star again.

*****

Willblogforlols is written for entertainment purposes only. Going to watch World News Tonight now for some real news, like the real reason why Melissa Leo dropped the f-bomb at the Oscars.

Andrew Wisot is a freelance writer for The Tonight Show with Jay Leno and an US Weekly Fashion Cop who’s “between jobs.” Andrew will blog for LOLs until he’s employed again or 50,000 miles, whichever comes first.

Don’t follow me on Twitter

Email: andrew@willblogforlols.com

Stripper DJ Wanted

March 2, 2011

Make the buns shake at minimum wage.

There’s a local strip club in town that’s seeking a DJ.

The ad says you MUST have strip club experience.

The job pays $8/hr. plus tips.

I don’t know many EXPERIENCED strip club DJ’s willing to settle for just $8/hr, but okay.

Other requirements:

– MUST be able to continually say in a monotonish voice, “Let’s give it up for Sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeera.”

– MUST be able to mix the same three songs over and over again: Superfreak, Wiggle It, and Rumpshaker.

– MUST be able to play music at an unresaonable loud volume so the record’s completely distorted and the bass makes the speakers go out.

Oh…and you might get a blow job from one of the dancers…if you spin their new lame CD that they made just as a record exec sits down.

Wear a condom.

*****

Willblogforlols is written for entertainment purposes only. And no, I’ve never been to the strip club mentioned above, I swear!!!

Andrew Wisot is a freelance writer for The Tonight Show with Jay Leno and an US Weekly Fashion Cop who’s “between jobs.” Andrew will blog for LOLs until he’s employed again for 50,000 miles, whichever comes first.

Don’t follow me on Twitter

Email: andrew@willblogforlols.com

Christina Aguilera Arrested…So F*cking What

March 1, 2011

"Oh say can you slur..."

Christina Aguilera arrested for public intoxication.

Yawn. Next.

OMG, did you hear Christina Aguilera got arrested? OMG!!!

OMG, so what.

Her crappy movie “Burlesque” is out on DVD today, BTW.

Coincidence?

Who cares.

Does that really work, anyway?

Getting in trouble with the law around a movie/album/book release?

OMG, Christina Aguilera got arrested!!! Hey, there’s her DVD. Let’s get it!!! 

Remember in the ’80s when stars like Michael Jackson, Madonna, and Cyndi Lauper released projects without the nonsense?

They just released projects cause they were good to begin with?

They didn’t need lame PR stunts to sell stuff.

Christina Aguilera sucks, and it shows.

BTW, I heard police knew she was drunk cause they made her sing the National Anthem and she sang it correctly.

*****

Willblogforlols is written for entertainment purposes only. Cher’s doing her part too to promote Burlesque: she’s appearing in public……without botox!

Andrew Wisot is a freelance writer for The Tonight Show with Jay Leno and an US Weekly Fashion Cop who’s “between jobs.” Andrew will blog for LOLs until he’s employed again or 50,000 miles, whichever comes first.  

Don’t follow me on Twitter

 Email:  andrew@willblogforlols.com