Archive for June, 2010

Because Leno’s off this week 2…

June 30, 2010

Taken when he was just 18.

Larry King announced he’s stepping down from CNN’s “Larry King Live” after 25 years.

…or in his case, he’s fallen and can’t get up.

…King’s next move? Well, Depends.

…to celebrate, Larry and his wife tried a new position…in their Craftmatic Adjustable Bed.

…Anderson Cooper may replace Larry King. Guess that would make him Larry Queen?!

…don’t want to say that Larry’s old, but CNN’s new slogan for his show was, “The Hottest Wheelchair in Town.”

…Larry’s leaving CNN?! What will we not watch now at 6pm/9 central?

…King’s been on CNN for 25 years. He even makes a quarter century sound old.

…after the announcement, King indulged in a threesome…a three-hour nap.

….when asked what he’s going to do next, King said, “Heh??????”

…Ryan Seacrest may replace Larry King. Guess that would make him Larry Queen?!

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Willblogforlols is written for entertainment purposes only. Not responsible for accidents caused by Cranky Old Men.

Andrew Wisot is a freelance writer for The Tonight Show with Jay Leno and an US Weekly Fashion Cop who’s “between jobs.” Andrew will blog for LOLs until he’s employed again or 50,000 miles, whichever one comes first.

Email: andrew@willblogforlols.com

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Fat and Lazy People, Come on down!!!

June 29, 2010

If any of these are your IQ, do not apply.

Attention: lazy people, potheads, and K-Fed.

If you’re in the LA area, you could earn cash being an audience participant for a game show!!!

That’s right, you get paid for sitting on your ass all day.

What a dream come true!!!

It’s not much money ($8/hr), but enough to get you some Slim Jims and cheap beer for the week.

Plus, as an added bonus, you’ll get to sit in an audience and watch people smarter than you win cash prizes, FREE!!!

You can thank me later.

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Willblogforlols is written for entertainment purposes only. Some of our departing contestants will receive…nothing.

Andrew Wisot is a freelance writer for The Tonight Show with Jay Leno and an US Weekly Fashion Cop who’s “between jobs.” Andrew will blog for LOLs until he’s employed again or 50,000 miles, whichever one comes first.

Email: andrew@willblogforlols.com

Today, Let’s Hire…

June 28, 2010

Wishes he was going "Home Sweet Home."

A driver for Vince Neil.

An acting coach for Chris Brown.

Detectives for Hemet Police.

Life coaches for Twilight fans.

Me!!!

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Willblogforlols is written for entertainment purposes only. Remember, friends don’t let friends drink and drive…unless you’re TMZ and need a good story.

Andrew Wisot is a freelance writer for The Tonight Show with Jay Leno and an US Weekly Fashion Cop who’s “between jobs.” Andrew will blog for LOLs until he’s employed again or 50,000 miles, whichever one comes first.

Email: andrew@willblogforlols.com

Other jobs McChrystal lost

June 25, 2010

"Sure, you can still use me as a reference....."

Obama fired General McChrystal after criticizing the President, making fun of Joe Biden, and calling the White House Staff a bunch of clowns in a “Rolling Stone” interview.

– He also got fired from “Rolling Stone” after telling the editors that “Musician” magazine was better.

– He also got fired from Barnum and Bailey after calling the clowns a bunch of White House staffers.

– He also got fired from Ginzu after inventing the concept of stabbing people in the back.

– He also got fired from a plastic surgeon’s office for being two-faced.

– He also got fired from McDonalds after telling other employees they should have went with the name McChrystals.

– He also got fired as a son after telling others that spending time with his parents was “painful” and said they appeared ready to hand him an “unsellable” car.

– He also got fired from Radio Shack for telling people the truth about Radio Shack.

 – He also got fired from KFC after telling Popeye’s the secret 11 herbs and spices.

And finally…

– He got fired from WordPress after telling  people all he hears out of his boss’ mouth is “blog blog blog.”

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This post is purely a parody and for entertainment purposes only.

Andrew Wisot is a freelance writer for The Tonight Show with Jay Leno and an US Weekly Fashion Cop who’s “between jobs.” Andrew will blog for LOLs until he’s employed again or 50,000 miles, whichever one comes first.  

Email: andrew@willblogforlols.com

Because he’s such an easy target…

June 24, 2010

I give her two thumbs up...way up!

Time for another Al Goreathon

Al Gore’s been accused of sexually attacking a masseuse during a three-hour massage

…So much for a happy ending. 

…Apparently, he wanted (sing) “a three-hour whore…a three-hour whore.”

…Weird, isn’t it? He’s been fighting for the environment when all this time he wanted a hummer. 

…in fact, the masseuse said that Gore was hung like a tree. 

…the masseuse said she saved the black pants she wore that night because it has stains on it. Strange enough, the stains actually belong to Bill Clinton. 

…the masseuse called Gore “a sex crazed poodle.” I guess he shouldn’t have run over and humped her leg when she walked in the room. 

…the masseuse said that Gore pleaded, groped her, grabbed her, engulfed her, tongue kissed her, massaged her and grabbed her breasts. Then Bill Clinton said, “Tell me more!!! Tell me more!!!'” 

…a three-hour massage??? If it’s taking a three-hour massage to feel pleasure, may I recommend Viagra. 

…quoted during Gore’s massage: “My volcano’s about to erupt!”  

…Isn’t that ironic? Gore ran for President in 2000 when all this time, he wanted Bush. 

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Willblogforlols is written for entertainment purposes only. Effects of reading Willblogforlols include pure relaxation, eternal bliss, and extreme diarrhea. 

Andrew Wisot is a freelance writer for The Tonight Show with Jay Leno and an US Weekly Fashion Cop who’s “between jobs.” Andrew will blog for LOLs until he’s employed again or 50,000 miles, whichever one comes first.  

Email: andrew@willblogforlols.com

Real Wanted Ad

June 23, 2010

Coming to a milk carton near you.

WANTED: Subscribers

Once-popular source for news, the newspaper, seeking readers – and most importantly – subscribers. Remember us? We know the Internet is now your only #1 source for news, but we want you to come back. Remember how great it was to find your paper soaked from the sprinklers? And when there wasn’t even a paper by your door, because someone stole it or the idiot delivery person just forgot? Those were the good ole’ days! Give us another try, and we’ll give you yesterday’s news this morning…just like was yesterday! Hurry, before the newspaper goes the way of Blockbuster Video. Wait, those are still around?  

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Willblogforlols is written for entertainment purposes only. Subscribe now, and get a FREE blog, FREE!

Andrew Wisot is a freelance writer for The Tonight Show with Jay Leno and an US Weekly Fashion Cop who’s “between jobs.” Andrew will blog for LOLs until he’s employed again or 50,000 miles, whichever one comes first. 

Email: andrew@willblogforlols.com

Jail Babe on “Paid Leave” For Knowing Exactly What She Was Doing

June 22, 2010

Turn ons: playing dumb.

Don’t you hate when this happens…

Some hot babe working at a jail that houses murderers is sent home on “paid administrative leave” because she posed on Playboy.com without permission.

That’s exactly what happened to 21-year-old Jessie Lunderby.

The buxom blonde, who got paid $12-$14 for turning on controlling inmates at a jail, wanted extra cash. So, she decided to take a side job modeling lingerie for Playboy.

But, uh-oh…she was supposed to fill out a form if she was taking another job.

The problem: she can’t read or write.

So now, poor thing…Jessie’s getting paid to take “a leave” while the department revels in their 15 minutes of fame reviews what action will be taken. 

Lunderby says posing for Playboy.com wasn’t a conflict of interest with her jail job because inmates don’t have access to computers. At least not the ones who aren’t tight with the guards.

She also hopes the expose will lead to bigger things, but will likely be long forgotten by next Tuesday, when another fame whore takes her place with some other kind of bogus story.

Doesn’t she know by now that fame whores are a dime a dozen

*****

Willblogforlols is written for entertainment purposes only. Not responsible for lame pick-up lines like, “I know I’m in jail for murder, but I’d kill for a date with you.”

Andrew Wisot is a freelance writer for The Tonight Show with Jay Leno and an US Weekly Fashion Cop who’s “between jobs.” Andrew will blog for LOLs until he’s employed again or 50,000 miles, whichever one comes first. 

Email: andrew@willblogforlols.com

5 Jobs Needed ASAP at Facebook

June 21, 2010

The "F" stands for free...for now.

5.) Someone to remove the body of the email in email alerts so we’re not reading the actual email twice. What’s the point of that?

4.) Someone to “unfriend” users when it’s someone’s birthday and all they write is “Happy Birthday!” Hey, you enjoy reading 29 “Happy Birthday!” posts in a row?

3.) Speaking of “unfriending” people…someone to compose an “unfriend” explanation when someone does unfriend us, like: 

I’m unfriending you because: 

a.) you didn’t accept my invite for Farmville. 

b.) I just realized…we wouldn’t be friends outside of Facebook. 

c.) you just wrote “Happy Birthday!” on my wall. 

d.) I just don’t like you. 

2.) Someone to please explain what exactly makes a Top Post. I just don’t get how, “Going to the market, then the car wash, then home to take a nap” constitutes a top post. 

1.) Someone to kick the staff’s ass anytime they revamp their privacy policy “for our convenience and safety.” 

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Willblogforlols is written for entertainment purposes only. Unless you’re family, friends, or incarcerated, please do not add me as a friend. 

Andrew Wisot is a freelance writer for The Tonight Show with Jay Leno and an US Weekly Fashion Cop who’s “between jobs.” Andrew will blog for LOLs until he’s employed again or 50,000 miles, whichever one comes first.  

Email: andrew@willblogforlols.com

Put THAT on a Hallmark Card

June 18, 2010

I Heart Your Job

 

Because the job market still sucks, I got a card from my folks to help cheer me up. 

It’s a work-related card. Basically, the front reads, “Things You’d Like To Say At Work But Can’t.” 

Half of the things inside weren’t funny. 

I can do better. 

Examples on the card… 

YOU LOOK LIKE SH!T. IS THAT THE STYLE NOW? 

I’M TRYING TO IMAGINE YOU WITH A PERSONALITY. 

DID THE ALIENS FORGET TO REMOVE YOUR ANAL PROBE? 

CHAOS, PANIC & DISORDER. MY WORK HERE IS DONE. 

IF I THROW A STICK, WILL YOU LEAVE? 

My examples… 

YOU LOOK LIKE SH!T. IS THAT WHY YOUR WORK IS SO CRAPPY? 

I’M TRYING TO IMAGINE YOU WITH A PINK SLIP. 

DID THE ALIENS FORGET TO TELL YOU TO DRINK THE KOOL-AID? 

FACEBOOK, MYSPACE, AND TWITTER. MY WORK HERE IS DONE. 

IF I THROW A STICK, WILL YOU STOP LICKING THE BOSS’ ASS? 

Hallmark, are you reading this

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Willblogforlols is written for entertainment purposes only…for all occasions! 

Andrew Wisot is a freelance writer for The Tonight Show with Jay Leno and an US Weekly Fashion Cop who’s “between jobs.” Andrew will blog for LOLs until he’s employed again or 50,000 miles, whichever one comes first. 

Email: andrew@willblogforlols.com 

Time for another Al Goreathon!

June 16, 2010

"I knew the guy was a schmuck."

“Star” magazine’s reporting that Al Gore had a two-year affair with Larry David’s wife, Laurie.

…so although Al Gore’s an environmentalist, sounds like he got himself a Hummer.

…well, you know what they say…it’s always the boring ones!

…there’s going to be a movie about Al Gore’s affair with Larry David’s wife. It’s going to be called, “Curb Your Orgasm.”

…talk about “An Inconvenient Truth!”

…to give you an idea of how smitten Al Gore was for Laurie David, his pick up line was, “I’m blaming you for global warming, cause you make my heart melt.”

…when John Edwards heard about Al Gore’s affair with Laurie David, he was furious. He said, “Hey, I saw her first!”

…after hearing about the affair, it inspired Bill Clinton to call both Laurie David and Cheryl Hines and say, “Hey, how bout a threesome?”

…Tipper Gore apparently suspicious of the affair. One night after coming home late, she said, “I demand a recount!”

…so apparently, Al Gore and Laurie David are responsible for global warming!

…Laurie David going from Larry David to Al Gore. Is that really an improvement?

…so apparently, Al Gore’s been putting his “tipper” where it don’t belong.

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Willblogforlols is written for entertainment purposes only…but it’s not nearly as entertaining as “Star” magazine’s story article.

Andrew Wisot is a freelance writer for The Tonight Show with Jay Leno and an US Weekly Fashion Cop who’s “between jobs.” Andrew will blog for LOLs until he’s employed again or 50,000 miles, whichever one comes first.

Email: andrew@willblogforlols.com