Posts Tagged ‘EDD’

Report: ‘The Man’ To Give Us More Money

July 21, 2010

 

"Did you miss me?"

Fellow Unemployed People… 

Did you hear the government’s close to signing a bill that would give us unemployment extensions again

Make no mistake about it, there still aren’t any jobs to apply for. 

But at least we’ll all be getting some pocket change again! 

That means we can finally spend money again on the bare necessities. 

Like strippers and massages. 

Just like the very people who tried to stop the bill

**** 

Willblogforlols is written for entertainment purposes only. Be patriotic. Blog American.

Andrew Wisot is a freelance writer for The Tonight Show with Jay Leno and an US Weekly Fashion Cop who’s “between jobs.” Andrew will blog for LOLs until he’s employed again or 50,000 miles, whichever comes first.  

Email: andrew@willblogforlols.com

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Today I’m wondering…

April 20, 2010

If any job hunters still have the nerve to open their cover letter with, “I am writing in regards to the open position at your company.”

If any job hunters still have the nerve to write in the body of their cover letter that they’re “self-starters” and have a “strong work ethic.”

If any job hunters still use a “typewriter” to compose their “CV” and mail it through the US Postal Service after seeking a job in the “want ads.” (SCA-RY!)

If Larry King needs a full-time diaper changer. (SCAR-IER!)

If there are any companies that contact all applicants about the job, even “due to the high volume of resumes received.”

If other people out of work get just as excited as I do when my unemployment check arrives in the mail.

If there are any other blogs like mine that take a look at the lighter side of unemployment.

(Ya, I know…”Google it.”)

If anyone reads my blog and says to themself, “Don’t quit your day job………”

That’s all I’m wondering today.

*****

Andrew Wisot is a freelance writer for The Tonight Show with Jay Leno and an US Weekly Fashion Cop who’s “between jobs.” Andrew will blog for LOLs until he’s employed again or 50,000 miles, whichever one comes first.

Email: andrew@willblogforlols.com

NEW EDD Form

April 4, 2010

Did you look for work this week?  Y _  N _

No, seriously. Did you look for work this week?  Y _ N _

No, really…you looked for work this week instead of sleep in, go to the beach, and head to Vegas since you know you’re getting a check from us anyway?  Y _ N _

Okay, and you think we really believe you?  Y _  N _

And you think it’s okay to have fun instead of look for work? Y _  N _

Did you drink or take illegal drugs this week? Y _  N _

How about eat junk food. Did you do that, too? Y _ N _

Were you too sick to work this week? Y _ N _

Were you on your deathbed? Y _ N _

Can you prove it?  Y _ N _

Did you refuse any work this week?  Y _  N  _

Did you refuse any work this week because the job market sucks rhino pen!s and there’s no simply no work to refuse?   Y _ N _

Can you believe the hoops we make you jump every other week just to get a sh!tty unemployment check?  Y _  N _

****

This post is purely a parody and written for entertainment purposes only.

Andrew Wisot is a freelance writer for The Tonight Show with Jay Leno and an US Weekly Fashion Cop who’s “between jobs.” Andrew will blog for LOLs until he’s employed again or 50,000 miles, whichever one comes first.

Email: andrew@willblogforlols.com

We Are The Poor

February 5, 2010

WE ARE THE POOR (A Song For the Unemployed)

(L. Richie, Q. Jones, K. Federline, A. Wisot)

There comes a time

When we wait for a certain call

When a company and applicant come together as one

There are people out of work

And it’s time to lend a handout to us

The greatest gift of all

We can’t go on

Pretending day by day

That some company, somewhere will offer spare change

We are all a part of

The EDD‘s great big family

And the truth, you know moolah is all we need

[Chorus]

We are the poor

We are the unemployed

We are the ones who need a quick buck

So please start giving

It’s not our choice how we’re living

Our pride is on the line

It’s true you can make it payday

From you to me

When you’re down and out

There seems no hope at all

But if you just believe

There’s no way we can fall

Well, well, well, well, let us realize

That spare change will only come

When we beg together as one

[Chorus]

We are the poor

We are the unemployed

We are the ones who need a quick buck

So please start giving

It’s not our choice how we’re living

Our pride’s on the line

It’s true you can make it payday

From you to me

SEND THIS TO ANYONE WITH MONEY AND TELL THEM: “WE ARE THE POOR, WE ARE THE UNEMPLOYED.”

*****

This post is purely a parody and written for entertainment purposes only.

Andrew Wisot is a freelance writer for The Jay Leno Show and an US Weekly Fashion Cop who’s “between jobs.” Andrew will blog for LOLs until he’s employed again or 50,000 miles, whichever one comes first.

Email: andrew@willblogforlols.com

EDD: The New DMV

January 7, 2010

Have you had to deal with these knuckleheads?

If you’re unemployed in California, you probably have. And if you’ve dealt with them, you already know the Employment Development Department (EDD) is actually two notches below the DMV.

They’re a huge pain to deal with when you’re out of work.

Yes, if you’ve been laid off, they give you some extra income. You sign up for their Unemployment Insurance Program (also known as UI), you fill out your progress forms every two weeks, you get paid.

Sounds easy!

It’s not.

I got laid off in 2006 and had to deal with the EDD for about eight months. There were a handful of times when they essentially “put a stop” on my checks to clarify info.

What happens is they set up a date and time frame for a “phone interview” in which you have to sit around by the phone  to answer questions if you want the checks to resume. Usually it was questions over whether I was freelancing as an independent contractor or self-employed. Oh…and it’s always a foreign sounding rep calling (are they outsourcing these employment jobs to India, too?)

Fast forward to 2009…I’m STILL having these same problems!

In fact this time, they flagged my checks even BEFORE I filled out the first slip!

The problem?

You guessed it…

Was I self employed or working as an independent contractor.

EDD claims I put down that I’m self employed on my registration form (I didn’t). But after clarifying the info during  the phone interview, the EDD rep said the checks would resume.

Whatever!!!

Maybe this is California Gov. Schwarzenegger’s clever way of saving the state some money…by getting the facts on unemployment forms “confused.”

Also makes me wonder what the job application for an EDD worker looks like:

APPLICATION:

Can you speak broken English fluently?   Y     N

Can you get the facts wrong and prevent people from getting their checks?  Y     N

Are you sure?    Y     N

Are you ABSOLUTELY sure?   Y     N

Are you ABSOLUTELY POSITIVELY sure?   Y     N

Andrew Wisot is a freelance writer for The Jay Leno Show and an US Weekly Fashion Cop who’s “between jobs.” Andrew will blog for LOLs until he’s employed again or 50,000 miles, whichever one comes first.

Email: andrew@willblogforlols.com