Mo’ Famous Work Quotes

A man must drive his energy, not be driven by it…and for God’s sake…don’t ever drive a Pathfinder with explosives in it. – William Frederick Book

A shoe that is too large is apt to trip one, and when too small, to pinch the feet. Those damn kids in the Nike factory need to be written up. – Horace

A tremendous number of people in America work very hard at something that bores them. Even a rich man thinks he has to go down to the office everyday. Not because he likes it but because he can’t think of anything else to do. To which Tiger Woods said, “Hey, I can think of something…'” – W.H. Auden

A woman’s work is never done, especially the part she asks her husband to do. Thank God for vibrators. – Anonymous

Better to burn out than rust out. Which is why I’m currently rusting out on tour. – Neil Young

Blessed is that man who has found his work. Obviously not many blessed men, considering today’s economy. – Elbert Hubbard

Bodily labor alleviates the pains of the mind and from this arises the happiness of the poor. However, if your joy to work lasts longer than four hours, call your doctor. – Francois De La Rochefoucauld

Even a mosquito doesn’t get a pat on the back until he’s well into his work.  Then, he dies. – Anonymous

Don’t be condescending to unskilled labor. Try it for a half a day first. You’re sure to reconsider your stance on illegal immigration in Arizona. – Brooks Atkinson

Damn. – The moron who drove the Pathfinder to Times Square

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This post is a parody and written for entertainment purposes only.

Andrew Wisot is a freelance writer for The Tonight Show with Jay Leno and an US Weekly Fashion Cop who’s “between jobs.” Andrew will blog for LOLs until he’s employed again or 50,000 miles, whichever one comes first.

Email: andrew@willblogforlols.com

Real Job Ad from China

SWEATSHOP WORKERS WANTED

Have you always wanted a career working long hours for virtually no pay in terrible conditions at a sweatshop? If you’re under the age of 8, male, and still relatively docile, come join our team of sweatshop workers! We’re seeking kids who don’t know any better to work them harder than Tiger on a 21-year-old hardbody. Benefits include…well, not much! You get to see the light of day every so often…like when there’s a fire inside the factory and we can’t afford to lose another 50 kids. Oh wait, there are tons more kids we can recruit…it’s China! Forget it!

To submit an application for this job, just submit to us…Your New Masters.

There…now doesn’t that make you feel better about being unemployed in the US?

No…you’d rather be a slave in China cause at least someone wants you???

Yeah, me too.

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This post is purely a parody and written for entertainment purposes only.

Andrew Wisot is a freelance writer for The Tonight Show with Jay Leno and an US Weekly Fashion Cop who’s “between jobs.” Andrew will blog for LOLs until he’s employed again or 50,000 miles, whichever one comes first.

Email: andrew@willblogforlols.com

Famous Work Quotes 137

The best work never was and never will be done for money. Unless you’re Eliot Spitzer and she’s a high class call girl. – John Ruskin

Never throughout history has a man who lived a life of ease left a name worth remembering. But enough about K-Fed.  – Theodore Roosevelt

At daybreak, when loath to rise, have this thought in thy mind: I am rising for a man’s work. No wonder everyone hates me. – Publilius Syrus

The brain is a wonderful organ; it starts working the moment you get Up in the morning and does not stop until you get to the office. True dat. – Robert Frost

It is wonderful when a calculation is made, how little the mind is actually employed in the discharge of any profession. I know…huh?! – Samuel Johnson

Work is life, you know, and without it, there’s nothing but fear and insecurity. And that’s just when Yoko’s performing! – John Lennon

Plaster thick, some will stick. Plaster thin, most will leave to get plastered somewhere else. – Proverb

My father taught me to work, but he did not teach me to love it. However, I did love theater. – Abraham Lincoln

A person who has not done one half his day’s work by ten o clock, runs a chance of leaving the other half undone. Or as most people call them, potheads. – Emily Bronte

Fuck Nike. – Tiger Woods

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This post is purely a parody and written for entertainment purposes only.

Andrew Wisot is a freelance writer for The Tonight Show with Jay Leno and an US Weekly Fashion Cop who’s “between jobs.” Andrew will blog for LOLs until he’s employed again or 50,000 miles, whichever one comes first.

Email: andrew@willblogforlols.com

Top 5 Needed Jobs Needed Yesterday

5.) Geek Squad who can actually fix a computer on the first try & not take 4-6 weeks for completion.

4.) Call center of home owners that call telemarketers 10-15 times a day without leaving a message.

3.) Actual sex addiction counselors for Tiger, Charlie Sheen and Jesse James.

2.) Better soap writers for Sandra Bullock & Jesse James.

1.) EARTHQUAKE PREDICTORS!!!

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Willblogforlols is written for entertainment purposes only.

Andrew Wisot is a freelance writer for The Tonight Show with Jay Leno and an US Weekly Fashion Cop who’s “between jobs.” Andrew will blog for LOLs until he’s employed again or 50,000 miles, whichever one comes first.

Email: andrew@willblogforlols.com

Celebrity first jobs

Miley Cyrus: being the “before” picture for a dental ad.

Jesse James: working at the factory that makes Cheat-os Cheetos.

Joan Rivers: being maid of honor at the wedding of Adam & Eve.

Joe Biden: editing language from movies for TV.

Nancy Pelosi: activist against plastic surgery.

Sarah Palin: quitting her first job.

Justin Bieber: singing baritone.

Lady Gaga: playing nuts in a play about squirrels.

Tiger Woods: undressing other women with his eyes.

Mel Gibson: hating jews.

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This post is purely a parody and for entertainment purposes only.

Andrew Wisot is a freelance writer for The Tonight Show with Jay Leno and an US Weekly Fashion Cop who’s “between jobs.” Andrew will blog for LOLs until he’s employed again or 50,000 miles, whichever one comes first.

Email: andrew@willblogforlols.com

Don’t try these at work

Or better yet…during a job interview.

CareerBuilder just put out a list of what they call “the most unusual blunders” that hiring managers have encountered during job interviews with prospective candidates.

Here’s their top 10 list……where’s Casey Kasem when you need him?

Top 10 Job Interview Blunders

10 – Candidate wore a business suit with flip flops.

No, flip flops aren’t acceptable at a job interview…even in Hawaii.

9 – Candidate asked if the interviewer wanted to meet for a drink after.

And no, Tiger Woods didn’t get the job.

8 – Candidate had applied for an accounting job, yet said he was “bad at managing money.”

Instead, he became a member of Congress.

7- Candidate ate food in the employee break room after the interview.

Why you don’t smoke pot before a job interview.

6 – Candidate recited poetry.

You’re an idi-et, and you know it.

5- Candidate applying for a customer service job said “I don’t really like working with people.”

But he still got the job at the DMV.

4- Candidate had to go immediately to get his dog that had gotten loose in the parking lot.

Oh, Michael Vick…

3- Candidate looked at the ceiling during the entire interview.

Granted, it was an interview at a roofing company.

2- Candidate used “Dungeons and Dragons” as an example of teamwork.

Another “Trekkie” stuck living in his parents’ basement.

1- Candidate filed fingernails.

Hey, look…I’m not going to apologize for wanting nice nails, okay?

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Willblogforlols is written for entertainment purposes only.

Andrew Wisot is a freelance writer for The Tonight Show with Jay Leno and an US Weekly Fashion Cop who’s “between jobs.” Andrew will blog for LOLs until he’s employed again or 50,000 miles, whichever one comes first.

Email: andrew@willblogforlols.com

Famous Work Quotes

Choose a job you love, and you will never have to work a day in your life…especially if NBC pays you off to leave. – Confucius

No work, no money. No money, no honeys. – Tiger Woods

A champion of the working man has never yet been known to die of overwork…but then again, Jay Leno was rushed to the hospital. – Robert Frost

Thunder is impressive, but it is lightning that does the work…and it must be lightning that affects T-Mobile customers. – Mark Twain

When you cease to make a contribution, you begin to die…shouldn’t Joan Rivers be dead by now? – Eleanor Roosevelt

Work is a refuge of people who have nothing better to do…except for K-Fed. – Oscar Wilde

It is the working man who is the happy man. It is the idle man from a rich family who’s the happier man. – Benjamin Franklin. 

Want is the mother of industry. Want but can’t have is a real motherf@#$%r.  – Proverb

By working faithfully eight hours a day, you may eventually get replaced by a guy in India twelve hours away. – Robert Frost

Do the hard jobs first. The easy jobs will take care of themselves…oh, who am I fooling. – Dale Carnegie

A man grows most tired while standing still…which is why they never made vertical La-Z-Boys. – Chinese proverb

Every calling is great when greatly pursued…unless it’s a guy asking a girl for a date on his cell phone while going through a tunnel. – Oliver Wendell Holmes

I’d kill to be at a normal 9-5 right now. – OJ Simpson

This post is purely a parody and for entertainment purposes only. You can find the actual work quotes and many more here. 

Andrew Wisot is a freelance writer for The Jay Leno Show and an US Weekly Fashion Cop who’s “between jobs.” Andrew will blog for LOLs until he’s employed again or 50,000 miles, whichever one comes first.

Email: andrew@willblogforlols.com

Top Ten Newly Created Jobs For 2010

10. Foster care workers for newly abandoned Zhu Zhu pets.

9. Demolition crews for remaining Blockbuster Video stores.

8. Day care workers for the next dozen babies from the Kardashians.

7. Ghostwriter for Sarah Palin’s new coloring book.

6. “Dream teams” for Charlie Sheen, Tiger Woods, and Gov. Mark Sanford.

5. Bodyguard for Charlie Sheen’s wife.

4. Writers and reporters for NBC’s new 10pm show, “The LA Times Show.”

3. Actual “soap writers” for Jon and Kate.

2. Complaint center for Obama’s new universal health care plan.

1. (tie) Actual security at Detroit Metropolitan Airport.

               Actual IT center at Blackberry.