Posts Tagged ‘craigslist’

Stripper DJ Wanted

March 2, 2011

Make the buns shake at minimum wage.

There’s a local strip club in town that’s seeking a DJ.

The ad says you MUST have strip club experience.

The job pays $8/hr. plus tips.

I don’t know many EXPERIENCED strip club DJ’s willing to settle for just $8/hr, but okay.

Other requirements:

– MUST be able to continually say in a monotonish voice, “Let’s give it up for Sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeera.”

– MUST be able to mix the same three songs over and over again: Superfreak, Wiggle It, and Rumpshaker.

– MUST be able to play music at an unresaonable loud volume so the record’s completely distorted and the bass makes the speakers go out.

Oh…and you might get a blow job from one of the dancers…if you spin their new lame CD that they made just as a record exec sits down.

Wear a condom.

*****

Willblogforlols is written for entertainment purposes only. And no, I’ve never been to the strip club mentioned above, I swear!!!

Andrew Wisot is a freelance writer for The Tonight Show with Jay Leno and an US Weekly Fashion Cop who’s “between jobs.” Andrew will blog for LOLs until he’s employed again for 50,000 miles, whichever comes first.

Don’t follow me on Twitter

Email: andrew@willblogforlols.com

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WANTED: Guys to Have Sex with Women in Porn

October 28, 2010

Wanna have sex with her? Keep dreaming.

And now…for the Feel Good Job of The Year!

A “professional” studio’s seeking “male adult actors” to have sex with women in adult movies.

As you all know, finding men to have sex with women in porn movies is an all too common problem in the porn industry.

According to the ad, all you have to do is have a great looking face and body, a nice smile, and know how to “make passionate love to a woman.” If you have experience in “hardcore gay porn,” do not apply.

If this is you, your cock will not be turned down!

Amazing!

Thank god it’s not a scam!

Even better than this job!

Just simply fill out the online application and wait to hear back about your new career!

Yes, you get paid for getting laid!!!

Oh…but there are “a few things” not mentioned in the ad:

– You will be making love to lonely women between the ages of 65-95.

– You must take the woman out first several times, have numerous late night calls and texts about sweet nothings, and finally tell her you love her.

– You must be able to last longer than the usual 2 minutes. No exceptions.

–  During training, you will start off as a fluffer for the more seasoned “male adult actors” (this isn’t considered hardcore gay porn).

– Must be okay with getting gray pubic hairs caught in your throat after cunnilingus scenes.

*****

Willblogforlols is written for entertainment purposes only. About to apply for a job I found on Craigslist to write and direct my own screenplay for top A-list actors!

Andrew Wisot is a freelance writer for The Tonight Show with Jay Leno and an US Weekly Fashion Cop who’s “between jobs.” Andrew will blog for LOLs until he’s employed again or 50,000 miles, whichever comes first.        

Don’t follow me on Twitter

Email: andrew@willblogforlols.com

Casting call: Old people

October 6, 2010

"The old adventure thing's already been done, ya morons."

Attention: old farts.

A major network’s currently seeking grandparents for an Adventure TV series.

And really, what could possibly be more exciting than watching a show about old people?

Forget Jersey Shore, Teen Mom, and The Kardashians…

The real ratings gold is a show about old people!!!

Not to knock the older generation…

But c’mon! A reality show about old people?!

The adventure, by the way…taking a shuttle from a retirement home to a mystery mall to watch kids in the play area. 

Here are some of the requirements for the show:

– Must be 65+ but younger than Larry King.

– Must be able to stay up til at least 3pm.

– Must be able to say “Heh?” and “Wha?” fluently.

– Must be able to hold bladder for at least 15 min.

– Must smell like soup.

****

Willblogforlols is written for entertainment purposes only. Would I appear on a reality show about old people when I’m 75? Depends.

Andrew Wisot is a freelance writer for The Tonight Show with Jay Leno and an US Weekly Fashion Cop who’s “between jobs.” Andrew will blog for LOLs until he’s employed again or 50,000 miles, whichever comes first.        

Don’t follow me on Twitter

Email: andrew@willblogforlols.com

Ready For Prime Time

July 6, 2010

Do not adjust your set, this job really is too good to be true.

Ah, the glitz and glamour of TV.

Everyone wants to work in TV.

And I have a job lead in TV, just for you!

Hoping to finally break into TV sitcoms?

Hoping that someone will finally buy your screenplay?

Then, this isn’t the gig for you.

Basically, you’re “on call” as a “Script Coordinator.”

That means you get to write up other people’s work…into a teleprompter…at the drop of a hat.

The good news is you’ll finally break into Prime time.

The working hours, that is…

8pm – 1am.

According to the ad, it’s “a PERFECT second job for the right person!”

Meaning, yes,…you’ll still have to keep this job.

****

Willblogforlols is written for entertainment purposes only. Soon to be a canceled show on NBC!

Andrew Wisot is a freelance writer for The Tonight Show with Jay Leno and an US Weekly Fashion Cop who’s “between jobs.” Andrew will blog for LOLs until he’s employed again or 50,000 miles, whichever one comes first.

Email: andrew@willblogforlols.com

Fat and Lazy People, Come on down!!!

June 29, 2010

If any of these are your IQ, do not apply.

Attention: lazy people, potheads, and K-Fed.

If you’re in the LA area, you could earn cash being an audience participant for a game show!!!

That’s right, you get paid for sitting on your ass all day.

What a dream come true!!!

It’s not much money ($8/hr), but enough to get you some Slim Jims and cheap beer for the week.

Plus, as an added bonus, you’ll get to sit in an audience and watch people smarter than you win cash prizes, FREE!!!

You can thank me later.

****

Willblogforlols is written for entertainment purposes only. Some of our departing contestants will receive…nothing.

Andrew Wisot is a freelance writer for The Tonight Show with Jay Leno and an US Weekly Fashion Cop who’s “between jobs.” Andrew will blog for LOLs until he’s employed again or 50,000 miles, whichever one comes first.

Email: andrew@willblogforlols.com

“Mean People” Need Not Apply

June 10, 2010

No Pay...Have a Nice Day!

Hey, are you nice?

Tired of hearing “negative” stuff in the news?

Have a story about someone being “nice to you?”

Then…you could be a participant in an upcoming documentary series about being nice!!!

Doesn’t that sound exciting???

Who wouldn’t want to watch a show about people being nice to one other???

Oh…and there’s NO PAY for your participation.

But you’re nice and understand…

RIGHT?!….

*****

Andrew Wisot is a freelance writer for The Tonight Show with Jay Leno and an US Weekly Fashion Cop who’s “between jobs.” Andrew will blog for LOLs until he’s employed again or 50,000 miles, whichever one comes first.

Email: andrew@willblogforlols.com

Not Mr. Write

May 21, 2010

Oh, this is good…

Someone posted an ad today on Craigslist for a writer to write his life story.

This guy says he’s going through a divorce, has had two brain surgeries, taken 80,000 pills for depression, lost his successful business, spent his entire life savings on legal fees, is now $500,000 in debt, was thrown in jail for two weeks because of false accusations and is now living in his truck.

(Any country music writers out there?)

Now he wants someone to write an article about his life and he’ll pay someone to do it.

Here’s my question.

He says he’s $500,000 in debt.

How’s he gonna PAY someone to write this article???

****

Andrew Wisot is a freelance writer for The Tonight Show with Jay Leno and an US Weekly Fashion Cop who’s “between jobs.” Andrew will blog for LOLs until he’s employed again or 50,000 miles, whichever one comes first.

Email: andrew@willblogforlols.com

So You Think You Can Write For Late Night 3

May 7, 2010

Don’t fall for it.

I’m talking about conspicuous ads that pop up on Craigslist, EntertainmentCareers.net, and Media-Match.com for late night/variety show comedy writers.

THEY’RE NOT REAL.

They usually go something like this:

COMEDY WRITER WANTED

Need comedy writer for popular daytime talk show. Must love low-brow humor like fart jokes and Jim Carrey. Must be able to make people laugh. Must love being able to sit around all day, write jokes, and make lots of money….etc etc etc bla bla bla yadda yadda yadda…

First of all…

EVERYONE LOVES LOW-BROW HUMOR LIKE FART JOKES AND JIM CARREY…DUH!!!

and…

POPULAR DAYTIME TALK SHOWS DON’T NEED TO POST ADS TO FIND COMEDY WRITERS.

There are already PLENTY of people who would give their right arm to write comedy for a TV show.

And it’s the comedy writers who are WELL-CONNECTED who will get these jobs.

So why are these ads POSTED ANYWAY???

Probably to get unsuspecting job seekers on email lists to SPAM YOU with other jobs.

Dreamer beware.

*****

Andrew Wisot is a freelance writer for The Tonight Show with Jay Leno and an US Weekly Fashion Cop who’s “between jobs.” Andrew will blog for LOLs until he’s employed again or 50,000 miles, whichever one comes first.

Email: andrew@willblogforlols.com

Survey Saturday!

January 30, 2010

After your boss told you he/she was letting you go, you wanted:

a.) to tell your boss off.

b.) to slash the tires on your boss’ car.

c.) to send Suge Knight “to have a word with your boss.”

d.) to create a fake ad in Craigslist’s casual encounters section with your boss’ name and phone number.

e.) all the above. DUH!!!

BE FAMOUS FOR A DAY! SEND IN YOUR COMMENTS BELOW!!!

Willblogforlols is written for entertainment purposes only. Do not try these ideas at home or work…they could result in some serious prison time with a cellmate who resembles Suge Knight. And that would definitely not be LOL.

Andrew Wisot is a freelance writer for The Jay Leno Show and an US Weekly Fashion Cop who’s “between jobs.” Andrew will blog for LOLs until he’s employed again or 50,000 miles, whichever one comes first.

Write Dirty to Me

January 27, 2010

I saw an ad on Craigslist today that just made me LOL.

There’s a company seeking part-time “Contemporary Erotica Writers” for their 2010/2011 catalog of full-length novels.

They say the only requirement for the job is that you have “a contemporary perspective on good, kinky sex” for books that “overtly mix the female and male perspectives.”

This made me wonder about applying for the job of “Contemporary Erotica Writer”…

– Is the rate $3.99 a page, $2.99 each additional page?

– Are the books only available in hard cover?

– Do all the books have happy endings?

– If the stories are too short, who makes them longer…a fluffer?

– Do the men in these stories last at least 2 minutes longer than actual men? 

–  If you get fired as an erotic writer, does that mean you’re also lousy in bed?

– Is there a “Sr. Contemporary Erotica Writer?”

– What if your parents read one of your novels and tell you, “Great job!”

– What exactly is the female perspective on good, kinky sex…spooning with a blindfold?

– So what are you wearing?

*****

Andrew Wisot is a freelance writer for The Jay Leno Show and an US Weekly Fashion Cop who’s “between jobs.” Andrew will blog for LOLs until he’s employed again or 50,000 miles, whichever one comes first.

Email: andrew@willblogforlols.com