Posts Tagged ‘snooki’

What the stars are being for Halloween

October 25, 2010

Best part about being in the Senate is...you never have to dress up!

President Obama’s going to be a popular president.

Brett Favre’s either going to be a flasher or  streaker, he can’t decide…

Lindsay Lohan’s going to be something she hasn’t been since age 14…clean and sober.

Nancy Pelosi’s been wearing her Halloween mask since 1940.

Paris Hilton’s costume is of course…her birthday suit.

…Today, Charlie Sheen went balistic after hearing that Paris Hilton stole his costume idea.

Justin Bieber’s going as a bouncer at Laser Tag.

George Lopez is going as his lord and savior…Sandra Bullock.

Sofia Vergara’s going to get a zit on her face and go as “the ugly girl.”

Russell Brand’s going get a black eye and go as a photographer who tried to take a picture of him.

The Situation’s going to wear a shirt and go as a guy with class.

Snooki’s going to take the shirt off and go as her usual whore self.

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Willblogforlols is written for entertainment purposes only. Going to go as a TV exec so I can pull each and every moronic political ad currently running on TV.

Andrew Wisot is a freelance writer for The Tonight Show with Jay Leno and an US Weekly Fashion Cop who’s “between jobs.” Andrew will blog for LOLs until he’s employed again or 50,000 miles, whichever comes first.        

Don’t follow me on Twitter

Email: andrew@willblogforlols.com

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How the stars are celebrating Yom Kippur

September 17, 2010

The stars are coming out for Yom Kippur!

Obama’s atoning for embarrassing his wife by not wearing his wedding ring.

Iran’s president let the American hiker go in lieu of observing Yom Kippur.

The execs at BP plan to hold their Yom Kippur services in De Nile.

Lady Gaga’s going to fast, then break the fast by eating her meat dress (with milk).

Carson Daly will be thanking God that his lame show somehow escaped cancellation for the 10th year in a row.

Lindsay Lohan’s atoning for…wait a minute, she didn’t do anything wrong! It’s all her dad’s fault!

Snooki’s willing to observe Yom Kippur, but is demanding a $25 appearance fee so she can buy booze afterwards.

Paris Hilton will celebrate Yom Kippur by moaning, “Oh God, Oh God, Oh God…” Then claim she thought the marijuana in her prayer book was brisket.

Joan Rivers plans to turn over a new leaf, but only to criticize its appearance.

Heidi Montag will strive to become a changed person. You know, another nose job, larger breast implants, a smaller waist…

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This post is purely a parody and written for entertainment purposes only. Lady Gaga just apologized for eating her meat dress, saying she didn’t “mean” to offend the hungry in third world countries. 

Andrew Wisot is a freelance writer for The Tonight Show with Jay Leno and an US Weekly Fashion Cop who’s “between jobs.” Andrew will blog for LOLs until he’s employed again or 50,000 miles, whichever comes first.      

Don’t follow me on Twitter.

Email: andrew@willblogforlols.com

How the stars are celebrating Rosh Hashanah

September 9, 2010

Party Like It's 5799

Obama’s letting Muslims crash a service and then build a mosque there.

Madonna’s going to fake services at Kabbalah.

Sandra Bullock’s adopting a Jewish kid from the Bronx.

Bristol Palin’s trying to give Levi Johnston another circumcision.

Levi Johnston’s eating Brisket Jerky.

Larry King’s tickets to service are being transferred to Piers Morgan.

Steven Slater’s cursing out passengers on El Al – in Yiddish.

The Situation’s going to a service – wearing only a kippah and jeans.

Snooki’s drinking a yard of Manischewitz out of a giant Shofar.

Paris Hilton’s blowing a shofar, then giving it herpes.

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Willblogforlols is written for entertainment purposes only. Feeling guilty for making fun of celebrities, but will atone for it next week during Yom Kippur.

Andrew Wisot is a freelance writer for The Tonight Show with Jay Leno and an US Weekly Fashion Cop who’s “between jobs.” Andrew will blog for LOLs until he’s employed again or 50,000 miles, whichever comes first.      

Email: andrew@willblogforlols.com

SUMMER BLOWOUT! “It’s so hot today” jokes!

August 27, 2010
 
 
 
 
 
 

Not a cloud in the sky. Or a bitchy JetBlue flight attendant.

ALL WEATHER JOKES MUST GO!!! DO NOT PAY TIL 2009!!!

It was so hot today…

Lindsay Lohan splashed cold vodka on her face.

That Muslim at Disneyland took off her hijab.

Snooki started her own Hard Lemonade stand.

Dr. Laura tried to chill with Ice Cube.

Lindsay’s mom actually bought a Carvel cake.

That JetBlue flight attendant finally cooled his jets.

Levi Johnston impregnated a girl with frozen sperm.

Lady Gaga finally won Who Wore It Best…by being naked.

I actually saw someone drink water from a drinking fountain.

And finally…

It was so hot today…

I actually bought a milkshake from Millions of Milkshakes.

(Yes, they suck. Finally got around to trying their Oreo shake and it was basically ice water with little oreo crumbs. No flavor really. Wasn’t even creamy. I mean, aren’t milkshakes supposed to be creamy? And the oreo bits were microscopic. I mean, aren’t Oreos supposed to be chunky in milkshakes, so you can actually taste them? I’ll just stick with Oreo shakes from Jack and the Box & Burger King…tastier &  much cheaper! Just goes to show that celebrities like Miley Cyrus and Lindsay Lohan have no taste in milkshakes. No taste, get it? Actually, come to think of it, Lindsay has no taste, period. Plus, M.O.M.’s menu’s not easy to read. It’s hard to explain, you just have to be there…but I certainly wouldn’t recommend it. Anyway, thanks for asking.)

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Willblogforlols is written for entertainment purposes only. Soon to get a new sponsor: Millions of Milkshakes.

Andrew Wisot is a freelance writer for The Tonight Show with Jay Leno and an US Weekly Fashion Cop who’s “between jobs.” Andrew will blog for LOLs until he’s employed again or 50,000 miles, whichever comes first.  

Email: andrew@willblogforlols.com

How Famous People Fire People

February 2, 2010

Can we talk? You made me look too life-like. I’m firing you, Mr. Plastic Surgeon. – Joan Rivers

Let me be clear…you’re fired. – President Obama

I’m firing you as my agent. Okay, you’re rehired. You’re fired. You’re rehired. You’re fired. – Brett Favre

Wow you did an amazing job on my hair! You’re fired. – Donald Trump

Did somebody say you’re fired? – Ronald McDonald

Okay, Snooki’s now – like – actually more famous than me. I’m getting a new agent. And a new dog. You’re both fired. – Paris Hilton

This position is not responding and will automatically shut down in five seconds.  – Bill Gates

Well you see…the thing is…sometimes things work out. And other times, things don’t work out. When they work out, things are great. And when things don’t work out, that’s when things aren’t great. Unfortunately in life, there are times when we have to break bad news to people. No one ever said that life’s fair. But the good news is…everything happens for a reason. You just have to remember that. Everything happens for a reason. When you find yourself falling off the horse, you get back up again. In fact, I remember something my grandfather once told me………. – Joe Biden

Hello, agent? Anyone there? No one knows I’m still here. If you’re there, you’re fired. – lonelygirl15

You didn’t get me off this time. I kill you. – OJ

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This post is purely a parody and for entertainment purposes only.

Andrew Wisot is a freelance writer for The Jay Leno Show and an US Weekly Fashion Cop who’s “between jobs.” Andrew will blog for LOLs until he’s employed again or 50,000 miles, whichever one comes first.

Email: andrew@willblogforlols.com