Top 10 Excuses for having cocaine found in your purse

This is your brain on drugs.

By special guest Paris Hilton. 

10.) The drugs aren’t mine. They’re the black kid’s. Yes, the same one Lindsay Lohan blamed when the drugs weren’t hers, either. 

9.) The drugs aren’t mine. They must belong to another slut. 

8.) The drugs aren’t mine. They must have been planted there by someone who hates me — so it could be anyone. 

7.) The drugs aren’t mine. They’re for anyone forced to see my acting or hear my singing. 

6.) The drugs aren’t mine. The only thing I keep in my purse is penis. 

5.) The drugs aren’t mine. They couldn’t be mine. I’ve been packing for a trip to Chicago, hitting golf balls, taking a nap, cutting my finger on a glass… 

4.) The drugs aren’t mine. I only smoke crack from the French Alps. 

3.) The drugs aren’t mine…I’ve never even smoked Tijuana. 

2.) The drugs aren’t mine. They belong to my imaginary friend, Mr. Sniffleupagus. 

1.) The drugs aren’t mine. I don’t need drugs. I naturally act retarded. 

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This post is purely a parody and written for entertainment purposes only. If you hate the contents of this post, the jokes aren’t mine. 

Andrew Wisot is a freelance writer for The Tonight Show with Jay Leno and an US Weekly Fashion Cop who’s “between jobs.” Andrew will blog for LOLs until he’s employed again or 50,000 miles, whichever comes first.   

Email: andrew@willblogforlols.com